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Ask the Divorced Guy!
by Dean Hughson
Title: Symbolic Divorce
Question:
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My wife and I
have been seeing each other and talking during our separation (living
apart) of 3 months, not about reconciliation, but about the changes that
we are going through. She says she still cares for me and has feelings
(says she loves me many times) but made the comment that she wants
divorced for the symbolic purpose of ending the previous life with each
other. In your experience have you encountered another method of
divorcing without the physical act? I am torn between giving in to her
request for a divorce so we both can get on with healing or giving more
time to pass.
Answer:
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There is no such thing as symbolic divorcing. Tell your wife that your marriage will never be the same anymore anyway because for it to work the two of you must change the relationship. There must have been some good things in your past marriage which you will want to keep and some that must go.
I must also tell you that many times the 'dumper' will say "We'll probably be back together" as a way to ''smooth'' the divorce. In other words, the ''dumper' doesn't know how to end the marriage gracefully so think that a little white lie will make it easier to get the 'dumpee' to sign the papers.
The best thing the two of you can do is see a therapist and see what can be done.
Dean Hughson, called the Dear Abby of Divorced Dads by the KC Star, is the founder of the DIVORCE HOMEPAGE. He has talked to thousands of people contemplating divorce, going through divorce, or the chaos afterwards and gives referrals and advice. He resides in Nevada, the state with the highest divorce rate in the US.
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