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Ask the Divorced Guy!
by Dean Hughson
Title: Staying Married to Someone who is Gay
Question:
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My husband,after 20 years of marriage and 3 kids, suddenly announced to me this week that he considers himself gay. He has been having an internet relationship with another gay man.
I am a bit sruck by all this but wondered if it is possible to stay married to someone who is gay? I love the Divorce Support Page and appreciate the info I found.
Answer:
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Now let's talk straight about what is happening. If your hubby is gay that means,unless he is celibate or monogamous with you, he will be having sex with other men. This means that he could possibly infect you with aids or other sexually transmitted disease if you had sex or the 2 of you would refrain from sex.
What I think you have to do is figure out what is viable for yourself. For those of us with some wisdom (shorthand for age), there are still possibilities for finding love again. If this old middle aged obese man can do it, anyone can. Don't sell yourself short. There are a lot of nice people out there. There are some people who find it possible to be married and have open relationships but I personally don't understand how they do it.
Is it possible to stay in a marriage with someone gay? My friend, Amity Buxton wrote a book called Other Side of the Closet which details some people who have. Take a look at the site http://qrd.rdrop.com/qrd/www/orgs/sssn/home.htm and feel free to contact her (via email) to talk about a support group and your questions. This is a problem that others share. Your solution,whatever it is, needs to be made with education and some serious thought.
Dean Hughson, called the Dear Abby of Divorced Dads by the KC Star, is the founder of the DIVORCE HOMEPAGE. He has talked to thousands of people contemplating divorce, going through divorce, or the chaos afterwards and gives referrals and advice. He resides in Nevada, the state with the highest divorce rate in the US.
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