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Ask the Divorced Guy!
by Dean Hughson
Title: Should I Stay or Leave?
Question:
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I'm thinking of leaving my wife of 15 years! We've been together since
high school and I just woke up one day and discovered that I can't live
with the marriage the way it has evolved. I've asked her if she was
willing to change her negative attitudes and way. Of course, she said
yes.
The question, we are expecting our first child in June and I want out NOW! I don't think my sanity will hold up! How do I determine if I'm making the right choice? There are parts of me that LOVE her with all my heart, but I'm no longer IN love with her. Guilt binds me to her, but I've also found another person that gives me the emotional support and nurturing I need and want.
Answer:
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First off, what have the 2 of you tried in counseling? Just asking someone
to change is not going to affect a change. The 2 of you need a therapist
to help you evaluate what is possible in your marriage. Also, leaving
someone when they are pregnant appears to most people as a mean spirited
act and could have harmful effects on your wife and future child.
That you are in another relationship renders any attempt that you are making to work on your relationship difficult. I would urge you to run, don't walk, to a therapist, with or without your wife and work on what is happening here. Pick up the book DIVORCE BUSTING by weiner-davis and read it cover to cover. You need professional help and quick.
Dean Hughson, called the Dear Abby of Divorced Dads by the KC Star, is the founder of the DIVORCE HOMEPAGE. He has talked to thousands of people contemplating divorce, going through divorce, or the chaos afterwards and gives referrals and advice. He resides in Nevada, the state with the highest divorce rate in the US.
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