 |
Ask the Divorced Guy!
by Dean Hughson
Title: Sex with Ex
Question:
-
I have been divorced for 2 years and I have a strange story. Our divorce
was fairly angry and our kids were definitely affected by the angry way we
divorced. Approximately 1 year after we divorced, a strange thing
happened. My husband was dropping off the kids and he stayed around
afterwards to talk about their day. The next thing we both knew, we were
nude and having incredible sex. Neither one of us knew what to say , but
next day the kids were delighted that dad was still there. Now every
other weekend he brings the kids back and the same thing occurs. We have talked about
it and neither one of us has any strong sexual attraction to any one else. What do you think?
Answer:
-
Well, it is common for some people to have sex during and after a
divorce but there are certain problems you need to deal with.
1. It is the 90's and you must consider that unless you are in a committed, monogamous relationship you face getting STD (sexually transmitted diseases) including genital herpes, warts, or even AIDS. By all means, practice safe sex (http://wso.williams.edu/peerh/sex/safesex/) and contraception.
2. Some people would argue that you are impeding your recovery from the divorce because you are not looking for love or sex again from new people. Some people have told me that they fall back into 'safe seas' but it kept them from getting on with their life. Also it hurt their kids because they were getting mixed messages that Dad doesn't live here anymore but he sleeps with Mom every other weekend.
3. Legal concerns also come in. If you happen to be in the divorce process and continue to hae sex with your ex in some states that could change when your separation began. An attorney can advise.
4. I am sort of old fashion. I never found much satisfaction from sex without love. Are you sure that the two of you are through? Perhaps you should explore if your relationship is able to go through reconciliation (http://www.pairs.com/wpost1.htm). If you can get along well enough to have sex on a regular basis maybe there is some love left in your relationship. Find a therapist to help you. Good luck and let us know how you are doing.
Dean Hughson, called the Dear Abby of Divorced Dads by the KC Star, is the founder of the DIVORCE HOMEPAGE. He has talked to thousands of people contemplating divorce, going through divorce, or the chaos afterwards and gives referrals and advice. He resides in Nevada, the state with the highest divorce rate in the US.
Return to :
Ask the Divorced Guy! Divorce Support Home
Copyright (c)1998,
Divorce Source, Inc.
Comments or suggestions? info@divorcesupport.com