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Ask the Divorced Guy!
by Dean Hughson
Title: Sex with Ex
I have been divorced for 2 years and I have a strange story. Our divorce
was fairly angry and our kids were definitely affected by the angry way we
divorced. Approximately 1 year after we divorced, a strange thing
happened. My husband was dropping off the kids and he stayed around
afterwards to talk about their day. The next thing we both knew, we were
nude and having incredible sex. Neither one of us knew what to say , but
next day the kids were delighted that dad was still there. Now every
other weekend he brings the kids back and the same thing occurs. We have talked about
it and neither one of us has any strong sexual attraction to any one else. What do you think?
Well, it is common for some people to have sex during and after a
divorce but there are certain problems you need to deal with.
1. It is the 90's and you must consider that unless you are in a
committed, monogamous relationship you face getting STD (sexually
transmitted diseases) including genital herpes, warts, or even AIDS. By all
means, practice safe sex (http://wso.williams.edu/peerh/sex/safesex/) and
2. Some people would argue that you are impeding your recovery from the
divorce because you are not looking for love or sex again from new people.
Some people have told me that they fall back into 'safe seas' but it kept
them from getting on with their life. Also it hurt their kids because they
were getting mixed messages that Dad doesn't live here anymore but he
sleeps with Mom every other weekend.
3. Legal concerns also come in. If you happen to be in the divorce process
and continue to hae sex with your ex in some states that could change when
your separation began. An attorney can advise.
4. I am sort of old fashion. I never found much satisfaction from sex
without love. Are you sure that the two of you are through? Perhaps you
should explore if your relationship is able to go through reconciliation
(http://www.pairs.com/wpost1.htm). If you can get along well enough to
have sex on a regular basis maybe there is some love left in your
relationship. Find a therapist to help you. Good luck and let us know how
you are doing.
Dean Hughson, called the Dear Abby of Divorced Dads by the KC Star, is the founder of the DIVORCE HOMEPAGE. He has talked to thousands of people contemplating divorce, going through divorce, or the chaos afterwards and gives referrals and advice. He resides in Nevada, the state with the highest divorce rate in the US.
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