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Ask the Divorced Guy!
by Dean Hughson
Title: Kids don't seem to miss absent parent
Question:
-
My kids seem almost to happy that their father is gone. We never
fought
out loud it was just the tension in the air for 15 years. I do not what
them to think he does not care. But he does act that he does not care.
He was married before and has a 24 year old son. How can a human not
have any feelings for anyone?
Answer:
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As hard as it is, you must let your kids develop their own
relationship with the absent parent. Of course, it is correct to encourage
and facilitate that relationship but it is not in your power to do anything
about how your ex behaves or how your kids relationship develops. When it
is appropriate, bring it up with your kids that you feel it is important
that they maintain a relationship with their father. Tell them that the
divorce is between you and him and not them and him. If it appears not to
be happening in a timely fashion (6 months?) I would consider going to a
family therapist, including your ex, to talk. For your children's sakes it
is most important that they feel the influence of 2 parents. An excellent
site for parents concerned about their children after a divorce is the
Childen's Rights Council site at http://www.vix.com/crc/
Dean Hughson, called the Dear Abby of Divorced Dads by the KC Star, is the founder of the DIVORCE HOMEPAGE. He has talked to thousands of people contemplating divorce, going through divorce, or the chaos afterwards and gives referrals and advice. He resides in Nevada, the state with the highest divorce rate in the US.
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