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Ask the Divorced Guy!
by Dean Hughson
Title: Fear a Custody Battle from Wealthy Husband
Question:
-
I have been going through a divorce and custody battle now for almost a
year. My
husband makes three times the amount I do in income. I am scared that he will
"win" the custody of our seven year old son, due to his high income. Even
though he has admitted in a sworn deposition that he fails to pay support for
children of a previous marriage, has had no contact with them for several
years, and that he had several affairs during the course of our marriage, he
thinks that by living with a woman, whom herself is just divorced, gives the
impression of a stable household. I have been awarded temporary support and
fails to uphold that obligation. I had to move to a smaller home and work odd
shifts, just to try to make ends meet. He claims that this is unstable. He
was
and still is a controlling man and I was emotionally abused by him for over
ten years. He knows that I do not have the finances to fight this court
battle
and plans to exhaust me that way so that I will "give up" the custody
fight. I
will not give up the custody fight and want to be awarded sole custody, as if
joint or legal custody were shared, he would continue his controlling ways
and
interfere with raising our son. I allow unlimited and liberal visitation now
and continue to plan to do that. He abandoned his other children and feel that
he will do the same with our son, so I want our son to know his father for
whatever period of time his father will be in his life. I do not feel that I
am being unfounded in my belief that he could be awarded custody due to the
fact of his high income and belief that the woman he lives with will become
his wife and he will support her so that she can stay at home and not work. I
am finding this legal process to be very slow and frustrating. Any advice or
publications, articles, or books that would be helpful for me for this
situation would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Answer:
-
The real issue in a custody decision is who is the child receiving
emotional support from now. Who does the child go to when they are ill? I
wouldn't worry too much about your soon to be ex-hubby's money or his new
live in as showing more stability. There will be a custody evaluation and
in that evaluation they will observe how your child interacts with both
parents. You didn't say which state you are in but look at the
http://www.divorcesupport.com state sites and read about the custody laws
in your state. Since your soon-to-be-husband has money, it should be
possible for the court to order him to pay in advance your attorney costs.
Find a good custody attorney to help you with this issue. Incidentally,
joint custody will not stop you from making the major decisions. Talk to an
attorney. Sole custody may be an issue that isn't worth fighting for in
practical terms in that joint custody may accomplish the same thing in your
case. One needs to get over the fight and move on to recovery. Find a
divorce support group in your area and get moving on feeling better and
more in charge of your life. Call a church, synagogue, or a university
counseling department to find a divorce support group. Parents with
Partners (http://www.parentswithoutpartners.org/) is a helpful organization
for you. Your best resource, of course, is your attorney. Pick one wisely.
Dean Hughson, called the Dear Abby of Divorced Dads by the KC Star, is the founder of the DIVORCE HOMEPAGE. He has talked to thousands of people contemplating divorce, going through divorce, or the chaos afterwards and gives referrals and advice. He resides in Nevada, the state with the highest divorce rate in the US.
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