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Ask the Divorced Guy!
by Dean Hughson
Title: Divorce and Control
Question:
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I am in love with a guy whose parents went through a divorce when he was
11 years old. He tells me that it was a disaster and hurt him a lot. From
that he seems to have come out of it with some scars. For instance he
wants to make all decisions. If I suggest that we do something he gets
flustered and angry. Obviously I am concerned about what this means if we
marry. Can you help?
Answer:
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Well, sounds to me like a guy whose defense against hurt is to make his own
rules but indeed this doesn't work in a relationship.
I would suggest premarital/prerelationship(it is a new world) counseling.
This is a good way to get things moving smoothly. I would not marry
someone who I had a significant difference with, like you describe, without
working in therapy a bit with it. Find a therapist and do 4 sessions...bet
you would find you can get some help for him and yourself this way..brief
therapy is the new thing....you don't need heavy psychotherapy...just a
neutral person to help the discussion. a priest/rabbi could also do it if
they are properly trained.
The good news is that children of divorce are good candidates for keeping
marriages together..they have seen the disaster.
Good luck..let me know how it goes.
Dean Hughson, called the Dear Abby of Divorced Dads by the KC Star, is the founder of the DIVORCE HOMEPAGE. He has talked to thousands of people contemplating divorce, going through divorce, or the chaos afterwards and gives referrals and advice. He resides in Nevada, the state with the highest divorce rate in the US.
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