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Ask the Divorced Woman!
by Maria Costa
Title: Property Distribution
I have a few questions! We will soon be going to court for our final
degree. We live in an equitable distribution state. Our lawyers have said we
need to divide personal effects prior to our court date. I am trying to do
this, but soon to be ex is refusing to co-operate (unfortunately we are still
in the home together). Soon to be Ex, has made it very clear they will do all
they can to stall this process, and of course I need this OVER! QUESTION:
May I continue to divide our belongings equally without the input from spouse?
We have 2 teenagers, one is within a year of emancipation, the other is 13.
I do not want any clause in the final degree stating," I cannot move out of
state with the 13 year old" Any advice about this one? My attorney says we will
leave that clause out, but I am afraid this may be a battle ground area!
I am divorcing an emotional, verbal, and controlling abuser, that in the
past, has been accustomed to "having their way".
Soon to be ex already insist that all belongs to them and none to me, this is
a most irrational person. I am also planning to buy out their part of the
equity in the home, but they refuse to agree to the appraised home value (more
They also want clauses that say: no one but family can stay overnight in the
home and when it is my turn for vacations with the children, they must
approve where I will take them on vacation, (more control). My attorney says,
a judge will not agree to this, as it is unconstitutional, do you agree, any
additional advice in these areas?
How do I rid myself of this abusive control "freak"?
Your lawyer needs to give you more input. All of your questions can
better be answered by him/her. If I was in your shoes, I would continue
to divide the materials (as equal as possible). If you appear in court
prepared and the judge sees how unreasonable your ex is he might just
concur with what you have done??? Again your lawyer should be helping
As far as your 13 year old - is he/she going to be with you? Or is your
ex-spouse the custodial parent? If she is the custodial - then no you
can't move out with your child. Again, your lawyer should give you the
legalities on this one! Are you satisfied with your lawyer?
If you are thinking of moving out of state - why do you want to buy the
equity in the house? Why not wash your hands of the whole thing? As far
as finding out the equity in your house - get three different appraisals
and take them to court and the judge again will decide. When you go for
a divorce decree - no one can stipulate who your visitors will be in your
home. I can't see any judge agreeing to the approval of vacations either
- unless there is fear of kidnapping.
Pick up my book "When the Vows Break: Living Through Separation &
Divorce" it will help you with the above questions plus how to join
support groups which you need to do! If you can't find it in your local
bookstore call my toll free number 888-267-3929 PIN #7176.
Maria Costa (Author & Seminar Speaker) A well known certified speaker
and seminar leader, continues to inspire, motivate and challenge people to push their envelopes farther, both before and after experiencing divorce. A graduate of National-Louis University,
with a Masters in Management, Ms. Costa is very active in her community. She
is President of the Board of Directors of the Women's Resource Center, Fredericksburg, VA, President of Hispanic Internal Revenue Employees (HIRE), IRS, Washington Chapter and board member of Professional Women's Network. Be sure to visit Maria Costa's web site
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