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Ask the Divorced Woman!
by Maria Costa
Title: 7-month Old and Divorce Repercussions
I am thinking about divorcing my husband of one year. He is not physically
abusive or verbally abusive...we just don't get along. We have started
counseling (have gone three times now) but I don't see it doing us much good.
He has not changed anything about his behavior, nor have I, for that matter.
I think we are at loggerheads and I don't see the jam breaking up anytime
soon...at least in this lifetime:)! By the way, he is 51, been married three
times and divorced as many. I am 36 and this is my first marriage...(screw-
up..I'm a slow learner...)
Anyway, what I am most worried about is how a divorce will affect our seven
month old baby girl. I am staying home with her (working 15 hours a week from
a laptop) and her father works out of the house, too. So she sees both of her
parents quite a bit. I'm worried that if we divorce....her not seeing her dad
everyday will create a psychological rift that will never heal. Even though we
don't get along, I don't want to "ruin" her for life.
But, I wonder what she will learn from two parents who stayed together but
didn't particularly like (much less love) one another. I don't want her to
think that is the way a relationship should be....I'm just wracked out and
confused. I don't know what to do.
If I did divorce her dad, I have a good $65k/year job waiting for me in San
Francisco (I have a sister there too). But, then she will have to go into
daycare...and that would just break my heart. What am I going to do?
First of all your daughter is way to young to know what is going on. You
are absolutely correct in the fact that you are not setting up a correct
living arrangement. Yours is not a normal marriage! You are the only
one that can decide what to do and you know the best answer is to do what
is best for you - that way you will do what is best for your daughter.
Your daughter is not going to die by going into a day care and neither
Pick up my book "When the Vows Break: Living Through Separation &
Divorce" it will help you with the above questions plus how to join
support groups which you need to do! If you can't find it in your local
bookstore call my toll free number 888-267-3929 PIN #7176.
Maria Costa (Author & Seminar Speaker) A well known certified speaker
and seminar leader, continues to inspire, motivate and challenge people to push their envelopes farther, both before and after experiencing divorce. A graduate of National-Louis University,
with a Masters in Management, Ms. Costa is very active in her community. She
is President of the Board of Directors of the Women's Resource Center, Fredericksburg, VA, President of Hispanic Internal Revenue Employees (HIRE), IRS, Washington Chapter and board member of Professional Women's Network. Be sure to visit Maria Costa's web site
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