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Ask the Divorced Woman!
by Maria Costa
Title: My Ex Wont't Let Go
Question:
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I have been separated from my ex-husband for
almost 8 years and divorced for 5 years. He calls my home a minimum of 5
times a day and almost every time I have to speak with after our two boys
(ages 10 and 12). He calls me at work to discuss trivial matters. These
conversations always involve a list of demands for me and the kids. Make
sure we do this...do that...etc.
He's a policeman and when we were first separated he would constantly patrol my neighborhood at all hours of the night. After about 1 1/2 years I started seeing someone - he would keep track of how late he stayed at my home, follow him, stop him, etc. obviously that didn't last long. Eventually, I had to move back to my home town in order to put some distance between us and try and get on with my life. He took me to court to try and stop this (and lost).
Since my oldest son turned 12 last December he has babysat his younger brother twice; the second time was the other night and when my ex called and found out I was out (on a date) he called the police.
He now says that he doesn't feel that my son is mature enough to babysit and that every time he finds out that I'm out, he'll call the police. I believe him.
This is just a small sample of what I've been going through over the past 8 years - I'm afraid he's going to drive me crazy and that there's nothing I can do about it. Is there? Please give me your opinion of what I should do!
Answer:
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Your ex is harassing you and he knows it. Don't let him win. If I were
you I would try to not leave the 12 year old baby-sitting but otherwise
you have a right to your life.
I would also STOP talking to him. When he calls and you happen to answer the phone don't even listen to him tell one of the kids your dad is on the phone and hand it over. If he says he wants to talk to you tell him to put it in writing. You've had enough! Every time you talk to him you are allowing him to control your time and emotions. You are the only one that can stop this act and do it now - stop being a victim!
If he persists get a lawyer.
Pick up my book "When the Vows Break: Living Through Separation & Divorce" it will help you with the above questions plus how to join support groups which you need to do! If you can't find it in your local bookstore call my toll free number 888-267-3929 PIN #7176.
Maria Costa (Author & Seminar Speaker) A well known certified speaker and seminar leader, continues to inspire, motivate and challenge people to push their envelopes farther, both before and after experiencing divorce. A graduate of National-Louis University, with a Masters in Management, Ms. Costa is very active in her community. She is President of the Board of Directors of the Women's Resource Center, Fredericksburg, VA, President of Hispanic Internal Revenue Employees (HIRE), IRS, Washington Chapter and board member of Professional Women's Network. Be sure to visit Maria Costa's web site
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