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Ask the Divorced Woman!
by Maria Costa
Title: Want to Leave
Question:
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I have been married for 12 years. For the entire marriage I have been very
uncomfortable with my husband. Being with him for any length of time makes me
very uneasy. He can be very demanding and expects me to be the woman he wants
and not who I am, to the point that I don't even know who I am anymore. I knew
before we got married that I should not go through with it. I have never
really loved him very deeply and now I almost hate him for all the mental
torture. He is very obsessive, jealous and controlling, looks in my purse, and
takes things that are mine. We have been to 6 different counselors starting in
the first year of marriage and the last , was last fall. We have three kids
9,7 & 4. I worry mostly about how my leaving will effect them I would hope for
joint custody. I just want to be relaxed and happy again. He is very good
with the kids and I think we could be friends if we divorced. I am just not
sure if my happiness is more important than the kids, maybe they would be
better off if we stayed together, but I will be a mess by the time they are
grown. What should I do?
Answer:
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I really have a hard time responding to your letter or similar letters
that I receive. If you didn't love him to start with:
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- - why did you go through the marriage
- - even more important why continue to have children
Well a couple of points come to mind - - what are you like at home now? Maybe they would be better off without you if you are coming across as if it is a big bother and the father seems to enjoy his children.
So if you are looking for me to give you the answer that you want - - I am not going to do that for you - YOU have to live with whatever decision you deem appropriate!
Pick up my book "When the Vows Break: Living Through Separation & Divorce" it will help you with the above questions plus how to join support groups which you need to do! If you can't find it in your local bookstore call my toll free number 888-267-3929 PIN #7176.
Maria Costa (Author & Seminar Speaker) A well known certified speaker and seminar leader, continues to inspire, motivate and challenge people to push their envelopes farther, both before and after experiencing divorce. A graduate of National-Louis University, with a Masters in Management, Ms. Costa is very active in her community. She is President of the Board of Directors of the Women's Resource Center, Fredericksburg, VA, President of Hispanic Internal Revenue Employees (HIRE), IRS, Washington Chapter and board member of Professional Women's Network. Be sure to visit Maria Costa's web site
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