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Ask the Divorced Woman!
by Maria Costa
Title: Custody - Should I or Shouldn't I?
Question:
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I am separated and getting ready to go through a divorce and I have decided
that I want to move to Florida. I have met someone that I really care about
and would like to move there. I even have a job offer; a better job than I
currently have. The problem is that my soon to be ex husband wants to do
shared custody and has even expressed that he could not handle only seeing his
child every other weekend if I had custody of her. The laws in Ohio favor
shared custody and would allow him to have it. If he gets shared custody I
would not be able to move without fighting for custody. I have always wanted
to live in Florida but never had a reason but now I do. I think I am falling
in love with this man and just wonder how the legal system could keep me from
moving there with my child. We have considered the possibility of him moving
here but he just started his own business last year and it is really starting
to take off. He would have to start all over again if he moved here. That
would just not work. I need some help but don't know what to do? I haven't
mentioned a thing about this to my soon to be ex husband because of fear of
what he would do or say. He is not going to be happy because of the fact that
I am seeing someone let alone the fact that I want to move. I have talked to
some lawyers and have gotten different responses from them. Some have told me
that if I have a good job offer that they will allow me to go because I do
have constitutional rights..But some have told me that the judge would suggest
that her father have custody of her because his family is here and I would not
have any family in Florida. They say that a good job is not a good enough
reason to move. Some have even told me that even if I plan to marry this man
that it would not be a good enough reason. One even told me that the judge
would probably say that I could go but my daughter would have to stay and I
would see her only on holidays and in the summertime at my expense. I don't
know who to believe anymore because the laws are so vague. Could the judge do
this to me? How could they keep me from having a better life for my daughter
and I? I have never felt this strongly about another man in my life and feel
I have met my soul mate. I planned on taking my time to make sure it is right
before I marry him but would rather do it living down there with him in the
next year. I hope you can shed some light on this or give me direction to
find the answers that I need. I have looked at different material on the
internet but it is all so vague. Thank you for your taking the time to read
this..Any information you can give me would be much appreciated.
Answer:
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First of all your seeing another man while still married IS NOT good when
you go before the judge to try to get custody of your daughter. In my
book I strongly urge couples not to remarry right away because you still
have a lot of "baggage" from the first marriage.
Not only do you have baggage but you also have a daughter who is going to be caught right in the middle of the two of you. You have to decide on whether you are ready to give up your daughter for this new man in your life... BIG DECISION!!!!
Pick up my book "When the Vows Break: Living Through Separation & Divorce" it will help you with the above questions plus how to join support groups which you need to do! If you can't find it in your local bookstore call my toll free number 888-267-3929 PIN #7176.
Maria Costa (Author & Seminar Speaker) A well known certified speaker and seminar leader, continues to inspire, motivate and challenge people to push their envelopes farther, both before and after experiencing divorce. A graduate of National-Louis University, with a Masters in Management, Ms. Costa is very active in her community. She is President of the Board of Directors of the Women's Resource Center, Fredericksburg, VA, President of Hispanic Internal Revenue Employees (HIRE), IRS, Washington Chapter and board member of Professional Women's Network. Be sure to visit Maria Costa's web site
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