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Ask the Divorced Woman!
by Maria Costa
Title: Betrayal
Question:
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Recently I received an anonymous phone call that said "'beware
your wife is running around on you". I frankly didn't know what to do but
I waited and a few days later she announced she was going out for dinner
with a mutual friend of ours and wouldn't be back until late. I waited a
couple of minutes and followed her. She went to a Hotel in our
neighborhood and entered a room. I waited until 1 a.m. and she still
hadn't come out. I didn't say anything to her about it but that night when
she returned at 2 a.m. she told me how much fun she had with our friend and
then said she was going to sleep in another bedroom so she could sleep in.
I went out to her car and punched the re-call button on her car phone and
saw a number I didn't know. I called it and a male voice answered. The
caller-id showed the name of the individual and I looked it up in the phone
book. Later I went to the hotel and talked with the desk person who
remembered my wife but didn't know who the gentleman was.
I later confronted my wife. She denied it and said call our mutual friend. I had already called our mutual friend who told me she didn't want to get involved so I knew. My wife filed for divorce and her family acts like I'm the bad person. She tried filing a paper with the court that I was physically abusing her but since I lack 75% of the strength in my arms due to a physical condition the court didn't buy it.
How do I speed up my divorce? The pain of this all is killing me.
Answer:
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Betrayal hurts terribly and you feel so very vulnerable when everything
comes out in the open. You never said if there are children involved -
if yes how are they taking all this? I sure hope that neither one of you
will put them in the middle of it all.
The most important part is to work on your recovery. Don't forget that while you are in a hurry (understandably) for the divorce proceedings to be over - mentally you will be going through a grieving process that will also take time. The grieving process includes: Denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
Don't hurry through these steps but do join support groups that are available in every city and most churches. Parents Without Partners is one such group!
My book deals with this issue in a lot more ways and also how to get your life back into shape.
Maria Costa (Author & Seminar Speaker) A well known certified speaker and seminar leader, continues to inspire, motivate and challenge people to push their envelopes farther, both before and after experiencing divorce. A graduate of National-Louis University, with a Masters in Management, Ms. Costa is very active in her community. She is President of the Board of Directors of the Women's Resource Center, Fredericksburg, VA, President of Hispanic Internal Revenue Employees (HIRE), IRS, Washington Chapter and board member of Professional Women's Network. Be sure to visit Maria Costa's web site
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