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Are there specific rules for service of process for divorcing military personnel?

Yes. There are specific rules for the service of process on military members, which are contained in the Code of Federal Regulations (CFR). A lawyer should follow these rules.

If the civilian spouse is the appellant in the divorce action, the military spouse must be personally served with the summons and petition for a state court to have jurisdiction. If the military spouse is the respondent, the appellant may request that the military authority serve him or her, but in this case, the military spouse must consent to the service.

In some cases, yes, a civilian spouse may be able to mail her husband the divorce papers. Usually this mail must be certified, return receipt requested. Individual jurisdictions, however, may have statutes prohibiting service of process by mail. Process can be served by certified mail, return receipt requested, using the APO or FPO addresses that apply to the spouse.