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Taking Care of Yourself During Divorce

Here. Take all the help you want.

Isn’t that a nice offer? You really can take "them" up on it. They are the members of your personal support network. It’s a network, not a group: the members are individuals, who do not meet together, and may not even know each other. These men and women can help you keep your wits about you during separation and divorce. So, take all the help you need.

It’s never too soon to start your support network. Many people have already established them quite naturally and use them effectively on a day-to-day basis.

A member of Karen’s support network acted as her advocate at her first interview with me. Her friends already had supported her in the difficult decision to divorce Mark. They made sure that her important concerns and questions were discussed. Nearly two years later, Karen conferred with several members about her proposed settlement. She had the benefit of their comments and input on the important issues before she made her final decision.

No thank you, I don’t need any support, you say. You’ll have a rougher road to travel if you isolate yourself. Balance your privacy and time alone with a sharing and reflection of your feelings with others.

Take care of yourself, the entire you, during this stressful time. Think of it as an investment, if you must. If you don’t take care of yourself, you’re likely to demand more of the professionals you use, such as your attorney. Keep the cost down by choosing and using your specialists for what they do best.

Continue, and rediscover perhaps, the activities that are an important part of your life. Maintain and nurture your relationship with your children. Just because you’re in a transition doesn’t mean you give up the good with the bad.

Meet the professional members of your team. That’s right, "team." We’ll survey the types of help available to show how you can fit everyone together around you. You are going to take all the help you can get.

First, we’ll look at some injustices men and women find in the divorce process. The system doesn’t always seem to be fair.

Second, we’ll review the benefits of your network. Get the kind of support you need, when you need it.

Third, you’re urged to start your network right now. It can’t begin working for you until you create it.

Fourth, look at ways to use specific activities and events in your life to add members to your group.

Fifth, you may need to change existing (over-) commitments if your life has become misdirected.

Sixth, try to minimize the trauma to your children and smooth out interruptions in the time you spend with them.

Seventh, you want your network to grow; have a few reserves.

Finally, look at your support network in the context of your entire team. Of course, you select the help you need, no more, no less. At this point you should simply be aware of the help these professionals have to offer: therapist, lawyer, appraiser, tax specialist, certified financial planner and business manager.