wifey118
New
Reged: 01/16/08
Posts: 16
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currently seperated, baby due in june, moving within 4-8 months, feel safer with him not knowing where it is, current order is no contact except for reasonable visitaion, he pops up at 7 in the morning, 12p, 3p 6p whenever sometimes calls first and demands to p/u 1yr old, while waiting for her to eat or get ready , violates my personal space either sexually or on the opposite end is verbally abusive, have allowed her to go w him alone once, once w/ 4yr old sister just for couple hours, he doesn't have his own place says he staying at sister's place, refuses to agree to regular visit day or time just says "on my next day off" , is now demanding he keep her overnight, has been in and out of jail so no real bond exists yet, doesn't change or feed her sometimes, i'm worried and if i file for child support it 's just going to make him mad. tired of him popping up, and him saying you're still my wife when he wants to come close , or even treating the house like he still lives there and don't feel comfortable with him in the street or around his alchohol and drug abusing friends and family. I'm worried about the babies at this age in his care ,what do i do?
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malone
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 2107
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1. Your Ex is not capable of caring for children. He is not even meeting their needs for food and shelter.
2. Your children are not safe with him. If he has abused you in so many ways, he is an abuser and is likely to abuse your children. You can't let that happen.
3. You need to act now to get the correct people involved, especially with another child on the way.
4. You should be aiming for a no contact order
5. You are also not safe with this man. Don't have him back and ask family or friends to help you.
It will take time and effort but you need to do the right thing now for your future and your children's future.
I'm hoping that someone who knows the right processes and people will also respond.
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wifey118
New
Reged: 01/16/08
Posts: 16
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i'm ready. i just don't know who to call ,where to start or what and truthfully, i'm working so much to keep us afloat and prepare for the baby and the move that my time is limited. trying to stay healthy, but i work crazy hours(nurse) and don't get much sleep or good meals but i'm ready. someone huury up and point me in the right direction before the third trimester, that's when this energy from the second trimester ends
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wifey118
New
Reged: 01/16/08
Posts: 16
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excuse me , gotta laugh and joke to keep from falling apart, truly scared deep down but i'll start with the abuse shelter that got me shelter once. as a matter of fact i'll call them by friday (gotta get sleep in the am and then to the doctor, then spend time with the kids and cook and clean) but i'll start there ,they were very helpful , i just went into denial and refused to accept that i'd become a statistic,(plus i was embarrassed to say itook him back)so i tried to pretend evrything was normal , never followed up or called back or went to a meeting. thank you for the input.
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iamlost
New
Reged: 01/17/08
Posts: 13
Loc: Maryland
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i'm sorry, I am new here so I don't know. Is there family you can turn to? Or a good friend you can go to where he cannot find you? You do not deserve this as you need to stay as stress-free and healthy as possible for both you and your little one.
--------------------
"Love is the Irresistable Desire to be Irresistably Desired"... Robert Frost
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malone
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 2107
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There are many people here who can give you good advice. Maybe you could write a reply to this with a few short sentances which are specific about the help you need.
For example:
1. Which social services do you involve?
2. What's the next step when it comes to an attorney and what should they be doing for you?
3. How do you stop your x getting visitation at all?
etc. etc.
Good luck!
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3590
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[quote]currently seperated, baby due in june, moving within 4-8 months, feel safer with him not knowing where it is, current order is no contact except for reasonable visitaion, he pops up at 7 in the morning, 12p, 3p 6p whenever sometimes calls first and demands to p/u 1yr old, while waiting for her to eat or get ready , violates my personal space either sexually or on the opposite end is verbally abusive, have allowed her to go w him alone once, once w/ 4yr old sister just for couple hours, he doesn't have his own place says he staying at sister's place, refuses to agree to regular visit day or time just says "on my next day off" , is now demanding he keep her overnight, has been in and out of jail so no real bond exists yet, doesn't change or feed her sometimes, i'm worried and if i file for child support it 's just going to make him mad. tired of him popping up, and him saying you're still my wife when he wants to come close , or even treating the house like he still lives there and don't feel comfortable with him in the street or around his alchohol and drug abusing friends and family. I'm worried about the babies at this age in his care ,what do i do? [/quote]
Do you have a domestic violence restraining order? If so, when he just pops up, call the police and have him arrested.
That is a violation of the restraining order. It isn't reasonable to just pop up whenever you feel like it.
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wifey118
New
Reged: 01/16/08
Posts: 16
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How do I stop him from getting visitation at all? current protective order that includes reasonable visitation expires in march ,
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wifey118
New
Reged: 01/16/08
Posts: 16
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have order that says no contact except for reasonable visitation and have allowed him to violate order many times trying to keep the peace, so many phones have been broken and violence increased just onmy attempt to call the police, I'll check with the domestic violence support group on what exactly is a violation, when to call and how to modify order
Edited by wifey118 (01/19/08 11:04 AM)
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malone
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 2107
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Wifey, I really feel for you. My ex was abusive but not physcially. You MUST continue to finally get him off your back and start a new life. Giving in to keep the peace means you will never find peace.
Persevere NOW, don't give up, get RID of him. Enlist the help of two other strong-minded people who will help you.
He needs to get the message loud and clear that he can't keep coming back into your life so that he starts building a new life for himself elsewhere too. While you allow him involvement to 'keep the peace', he will not go away.
Do not put yourself in danger while doing so and keep calling the police and whoever else you need. Remember the saying "The squeaky wheel gets the oil.' You be the squeakiest wheel the police have ever heard! Keep on ringing them and going to them. That way they will want him out of your life as much as you do - to get some peace themselves!
Keep going, you're doing well.
Godo luck and keep asking people for support here.
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