zee
New
Reged: 09/10/08
Posts: 1
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reading some of the posts on here..i actually feel i shouldnt complain...but unhappy is still unhappy.
ive been married now for two years and my husband was near perfect before we lived together... then it all changed. in short i feel it is emotional abuse..he has never been physical. Im pretty sure he has mental issues. At the beginning of our marraige he was obsessed with my posture (crazy i know)...he actually made me sit upright on a plane for 8 hours once, i couldnt slouch or anything..he wont walk with me on the street or hold my hand.. he tells me he deserves better and that im fat ( im 5foot 3 and weigh 130ibs), unattractive and that he cant bear to be in the same room as me ,,he says he cant even look at me. He is obsessive about the house and cleanliness.. nothing can be left on the kitchen side units or personal items in the living room.. i cant leave my things anywhere in the living room area like a handbag or sweater as he feels its clutter in the house.Im not allowed to drink coke , eat chips, I have to sleep when he says , eat when he says..the list is endless.
we basically live together now more or less as room mates.. i sleep in a seperate bed as i cant bear to be near him and our relationship in non existant...im also not sure about how faithful he is.. as i know hes been to massage parlours in the past...although he swears he would never do that to me
in short i feel he has OCD and were currently seeing a counsellor together but he doesnt feel he has a problem.. im so scared as im losing the person that i am. im not american but moved here from the uk so i have no one here except him ..we argue everyday and im at the point where i hate him...sometimes hes really nice and the next hes obsessing about something completley pointless or ignoring me for weeks on end because i drank soda etc.. i feel that if i stay ill end up mad aswell or whatever this is... but i cant find the strengh to leave .. although we have no children im sacred he'll do this to them too..
things are better now then they were ..but am i just used to it? or will they get worse again..this is my dilemma and i just dont know what to do. Please help
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1693
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No one can tell you if it is bad enough for you to leave. You need to decide that for you.
But from what you said, you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. Try to find the book "Why Does He Do That?"
You may find an ah-ha moment in there.
You need counseling to allow you to figure out what you want and how you want to live. From your post, it sounds as if you have started to decide those things.
Good luck.
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HeartOn
Platinum
Reged: 07/25/08
Posts: 1719
Loc: North Carolina
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Yes...it is bad enough to leave.
But I think..you already know that.
Listen to your heart,it doesn't lie.
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"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." Nietzsche
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2736
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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if you have to ask...the answer is a resounding yes.
i KNEW this years ago, before my children,
when my second was a newborn.
i stayed.
do NOT do this.
whatever obstacles you need to tackle do now.
now many kids, years, and messed up careers later.
get out!
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taryn.
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stoltz
Platinum
Reged: 01/29/07
Posts: 1494
Loc: Texas
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>>> "Listen to your heart,it doesn't lie."
Wanna bet? It lied to me thrice.
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HeartOn
Platinum
Reged: 07/25/08
Posts: 1719
Loc: North Carolina
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Thrice? Well..maybe you were conditioned to follow a dysfunctional heart.I know I was.When abuse becomes the norm...it's is hard to rip off those blinders!
Maybe I should have said..Gut instict..or better yet..open your eyes...and stop forgetting and making excuses for the unforgiveable and get your "chooser" fixed before you risk your heart on yet another abuser!
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"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." Nietzsche
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cmartens
New
Reged: 09/12/08
Posts: 1
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Get out, things will only get worse! He sounds like my husband. Did he stop you from seeing friends and family yet? Please get out. You should start saving money in an account that he isnt aware of and start planning for a safe place to go. He will continue to belittle you to weaken you to stay. As long as you allow him to treat you this way he will. God bless you and hope you get out.
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jeanpc
Platinum
Reged: 07/06/08
Posts: 205
Loc: Hell, no kidding (az)
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sounds like you already know the answer, but need to hear it from someone else.
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igotridofhim
New
Reged: 08/25/08
Posts: 9
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OMG he sounds like my stbx except there was physical abuse in my case. However he turned it around and made it seem like it was all my fault, so after he hit me I felt guilty for making him.. He got me to stay by threating my family, i could not have the thought of him trying to destroy my parents which is his spiteful nature.
You need to leave it will only get worse, however you need to find it in yourself to get out. My family told me I needed to get out for years and I defended him to the end and said it was not was his fault it was mine. The day I called the police I thought he had broken my leg, I realized I no longer wanted to lie to everyone about what happened, you can cover up bruises and mental scars but i could not hide a cast on my leg. I was told I was worthless and fat and ugly for over 17 years mind you I am 5 foot 9 and weigh 120 lbs. These are his issues not yours. You do not need to be treated this way. I had to have the no contact order that is in place till his trial is over next June or I would have been harrased daily by him, I have realized I am allowed to be happy, I am beautiful, I can do what I want when I want and not have to worry about him getting mad for no reason and have a fight
Please think hard about your decision and realize no one can make it for you. Is the life you wanted or want to continue having? It will take everything and everyone to support you in your decision it is not an easy choice but sometimes the best choices are the hardest ones to make.
Good luck and I hope it all works out for the best
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malone
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 2107
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[quote].. he tells me he deserves better and that im fat ( im 5foot 3 and weigh 130ibs), unattractive and that he cant bear to be in the same room as me, he says he cant even look at me. [/quote]
Hi Zee.
Just stop right there with that bit in the quote. Go back and read what you just wrote about your marriage.
That's not a marriage. Husbands who love their wives don't talk to them in that way. A man who adores his wife doesn't say things like that. I'm really sorry that you have to listen to such demoralising things.
It's not you. It is bad. That's a man with serious issues and one who doesn't seem to love you or is very sick. If he does love you, he sure has a strange way of showing it.
So many people here have tried to fix what didn't feel right for a long time, only to come away finally accepting they couldn't fix it.
That's your choice now - without having to waste years and years of your life to only find out the same thing you're finding now.
Good luck. Everyone deserves to be loved properly by their husband or wife. Don't settle for so much less.
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