Emelbee3
Silver
Reged: 06/11/07
Posts: 55
|
|
I got a temporary restraining order against my ex-husband. Tomorrow is the return hearing and I am fairly confident that it will be extended. He wasn't physically violent, but the constant threats to kill me coupled with his emotional instability makes me a sitting duck waiting for him to snap. He has anger issues.
Here is my question - the judge ordered the temporary order with our 3 sons included because I have full custody. (The kids are 6, 8 and 10.) What will happen with visitation if the order is extended?
I don't know if he will extend it just for me or for all of us. If it is extended for just me, how does visitation continue? I read that the district court cannot oerrule a probate order. Our probate order states he has the kids EOW with pick up and drop off at my residence.
I'm confused! We live in MA.
|
Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3590
|
|
[quote]I got a temporary restraining order against my ex-husband. Tomorrow is the return hearing and I am fairly confident that it will be extended. He wasn't physically violent, but the constant threats to kill me coupled with his emotional instability makes me a sitting duck waiting for him to snap. He has anger issues.
Here is my question - the judge ordered the temporary order with our 3 sons included because I have full custody. (The kids are 6, 8 and 10.) What will happen with visitation if the order is extended?
I don't know if he will extend it just for me or for all of us. If it is extended for just me, how does visitation continue? I read that the district court cannot oerrule a probate order. Our probate order states he has the kids EOW with pick up and drop off at my residence.
I'm confused! We live in MA. [/quote]
The judge can keep the children on the RO, but what can be done is that a specific time is ordered and those are the only times that he can be around the kids. He wouldn't be able to pick them up at any other time.
|
Emelbee3
Silver
Reged: 06/11/07
Posts: 55
|
|
Thanks. Our visitation agreement per the probate court order is EOW pick up at 5:00 PM Friday and drop off at 6 PM Sunday. Would he be able to come to my house to get them at those times if there is a continued RO? Also, with a RO in effect, can I ask to communicate regarding the kids through written correspondence, like mail or email?
|
gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5191
|
|
If the kids are not in danger the kids might be taken off the restraining order but they'll ask for alternative ways for the transfer of custody for parenting time. The easy way is to do it at daycare or school. You drop them off, he picks them up & visa versa. The next safest is probably doing the trasnfer at a police station, but this is probably your last resort because it's kind of awful for the kids to have to go to the police just for change of parenting time from Mom to Dad & back again.
I've known people to take the kids to a public place like the Mall or McDonalds, leave them in the play area & stand aside while the other parent picks up the kids. And one friend who has negotiated that he drives up to the house, the older child picks up the youngest child, and the middle two hold hands as they leave their mother's house, then the older child opens the car door so that they can all get in & buckled without him having to get out of the car. It's crazy, but this is the only way they both felt safe from each other, from each other's nasty accusations, etc. They worked it out in court with a mediator.
The other thing, if the kids are in danger & they are still on the order of protection, the family court should alter the parenting plan so that the parenting time takes place only with counseling & professional supervision, which he will ahve to pay for. I have one friend who did this, and it worked out really well.
|
Emelbee3
Silver
Reged: 06/11/07
Posts: 55
|
|
Thank you! I have an idea for alternate pick up and drop off. A friend of mine, who for the sake of the children, has remained neutral during the divorce, offered to have the kids picked up and dropepd off at her house. The only issue we run into is my ex rarely shows up on time, usually 2-3 hours late and drops them off without notice ANY time Sunday, not at 6 PM. I don't feel it's fair to her to wait around. Also, if he pushes for the police department as a transfer point, which he may, do I need to stay available all day or can he be held to the 6 PM dropp off ordered by the court?
I hate this whole thing!
|
Emelbee3
Silver
Reged: 06/11/07
Posts: 55
|
|
Another question, what constitutes the kuids being in danger? Physically he has never hurt them. I fear his hatred and rage toward me is a threat to them. He is emotionally unstable and if he snaps, it may be on them. He is a fire fighter who was removed from active duty pending counseling for his issues. He was reinstated, but the RO was a year later. He is consumed and I am scared. I would like to believe that this man I was married to for 10 years wouldn't ever hurt me. But, he is so far gone I feel like I am a sitting duck waiting for him to snap!
|
soon2bfree07
Platinum
Reged: 10/19/07
Posts: 262
|
|
With my original visitation agreement, the judge said that if it is ordered, (always bring that order with you in case...) that there are specific p/u and drop/off times then to be fair is to give the other parent 15 min. then he/she forfeits that particular visitation. Hold true, do not back down or you'll just be setting up for a lifetime of inconsistencies. And right now the kids need as much stability as possible.
Good luck with everything
|
Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3590
|
|
[quote]Thanks. Our visitation agreement per the probate court order is EOW pick up at 5:00 PM Friday and drop off at 6 PM Sunday. Would he be able to come to my house to get them at those times if there is a continued RO? Also, with a RO in effect, can I ask to communicate regarding the kids through written correspondence, like mail or email? [/quote]
Yes, if it is written into the order that you can communicate to discuss parenting issues. And the mode of communication can be specifically spelled out.
When my TRO was continued (it was going to be dismissed into family court via a consent order by mutual agreement. My ex had calmed down considerably by the time we went to court), there was a provision that we could communicate to discuss parenting issues and visiting times.
|
Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3590
|
|
[quote]Another question, what constitutes the kuids being in danger? Physically he has never hurt them. I fear his hatred and rage toward me is a threat to them. He is emotionally unstable and if he snaps, it may be on them. He is a fire fighter who was removed from active duty pending counseling for his issues. He was reinstated, but the RO was a year later. He is consumed and I am scared. I would like to believe that this man I was married to for 10 years wouldn't ever hurt me. But, he is so far gone I feel like I am a sitting duck waiting for him to snap! [/quote]
IMO, it sounds like he is unstable. I would ask for an evaluation.
The kids were included in my TRO because the violence was done in front of them. And the fact that he was yelling uncontrollably at a then 3 year old child also played a factor in them being included.
|
Emelbee3
Silver
Reged: 06/11/07
Posts: 55
|
|
[quote]With my original visitation agreement, the judge said that if it is ordered, (always bring that order with you in case...) that there are specific p/u and drop/off times then to be fair is to give the other parent 15 min. then he/she forfeits that particular visitation. Hold true, do not back down or you'll just be setting up for a lifetime of inconsistencies. And right now the kids need as much stability as possible.
Good luck with everything [/quote]
Thanks! My lawyer was clear that if he is more than 30 minutes late, barring traffic or an unforseen situation, he forfeits visitation. My ex on the other hand threatens kidnapping charges if I refuse to let the kids go. I asked him to stick to the divorce agreeemnt and that usually leads to a threat of death or taking the kids and running. Then on SUnday he has the kids call me and tell me they are almost home at like 11 AM. If I'm not available, he throws a fit and at 6 PM he refuses to bring them home and I have to pick them up at the police stsation. It's so sick!
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
