compassion08
New
Reged: 02/03/08
Posts: 14
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Hello all, I am very thankful to have found this forum, for I do believe that this period of my life that I am about to begin will be the most difficult. My relationship has been very stormy, with him being verbally abusing, emotionally abusing, emotionally blackmailing, and etc etc, he's hasn't been very nice. Okay, he has improved throughout the years, but you can't change a leopards' spots, and I know that the longer I stay with him, the more he will suck the life out of me, so I have decided to leave. Now that the money is on the way to my attorney to file, I feel so scared and worry about what it to come. I wish my husband would simply sign the papers and be done, but he is talking all kinds of stuff, like fighting for custody, not beign wlling to pay the minimum child support, or able to, and basically i know he will fight me on everything. I agreed to let him have the house, as he says, "He payed for it all so far" cause i have been raising his kids and i did go to school for a degree. But I haven't paid for anything, so I am letting him have the house since I want to relocate anyway, near my support network, and near people, i am alone all the time here, and his family has never been fond of me. So...........i suppose my feelings are normal, now that the ball is really in motion, things could get ugly. I just pray that I am strong enough to handle this. I know how people can stay married for years when they aren't happy, cause this is terrifying.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3590
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You can let him have the house, but don't let him not pay you for your share of the equity.
From your post on the other board, he doesn't stand a chance of getting custody with his work schedule. Child support will be what the guidelines say they are.
And the state can garnish it from his wages. If he is in a job where he is considered a consultant and doesn't get paid through the payroll dept, then it won't be garnished and he will have to send the child support check to the agency that collects child support. And if he doesn't pay, it can be a while before anything is done.
Which is why you don't give up your share of the marital asset.
And tie his being current on child support by the end of the year into his getting the tax exemption on your child when it is his year to claim him.
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compassion08
New
Reged: 02/03/08
Posts: 14
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Well...........he says that he will do what it takes and quit his job to be a dad, I do realize that he isn't considering this for the right reasons though, he is doing it not because he really wants them, but because he wants me NOT to have them,and he doesn't want to pay the full amount. I understand he is afraid, and I don't want them not to see their dad, but my feeling is that they will see one another about as often as they do now. It has been this way since they were born. I raised them basically alone, physically anyway. Now all of the sudden he is talking all this stuff, so, anyway, scary
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3590
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[quote]Well...........he says that he will do what it takes and quit his job to be a dad, I do realize that he isn't considering this for the right reasons though, he is doing it not because he really wants them, but because he wants me NOT to have them,and he doesn't want to pay the full amount. I understand he is afraid, and I don't want them not to see their dad, but my feeling is that they will see one another about as often as they do now. It has been this way since they were born. I raised them basically alone, physically anyway. Now all of the sudden he is talking all this stuff, so, anyway, scary [/quote]
He's trying to intimidate you into staying.
And if he quits his job, he's, in all likelihood, going to be living with imputed income. Courts don't like it when divorcing parties willingly lower their income.
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compassion08
New
Reged: 02/03/08
Posts: 14
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Thanks for your insight, Jada, I appreciate it, and that is comforting xxxxxxxxxxx hugs
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pdm1960
Platinum
Reged: 02/15/06
Posts: 284
Loc: California
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Compassion08,
Jada is correct on both the imputed income and the intimidation. It will be scary but it will be worth the effort. Many things worth having don't come easy. Many of us on the site were once in your shoes at one point. Your relocation close to your support network is a great asset. And if you can, make the group of people that support you bigger. The bigger the group the less likely you are to burn out any friendships. Also, if you relocate what will that do for any custody arrangements. Will you still be close enough that he can harass you or will you be far enough away that he can't and if you are far away will he have extended custody time with the kids. and are you okay and willing to accept it. The next few weeks will be tough but not impossible (it will feel like it though). Stay strong and keep going forward. Oh yeah, and fight for what you think you deserve, don't sell yourself short.
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riddlecd
New
Reged: 02/17/08
Posts: 2
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I am six weeks past filing for divorce. All I can say is that every day you will get stronger. Remember to expect that you will be on a roller coaster ride with emotions.
My advice to you is please limit your contact with him as much as possible. He has been manipulating you for so long that you probably feel you can't make too many decisions without his input. You also probably feel as though your difficult decisions will anger him. But try to remember that no matter what you have been doing for a long time, he continues to get angry with you. It's not you. He will be angry, no matter what you do. He has been sucessful at his abuse for so long. The only way to escape his control is to break all contact. That means no emails, no text messages, no letters, no phone calls and no face to face contact. Let his attorney deal with yours. You can do this. I know it. You are stronger than you think.
Good luck!
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Geesie
New
Reged: 03/01/08
Posts: 1
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You are too darn nice WHY let him have the house. You should have kept it and after all is settled then sell it to relocate. Its all about emotional blackmail, you are too good for this guy. God bless
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newgal08
New
Reged: 03/10/08
Posts: 8
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I understand your fear and it is normal. I just filed for a divorce recently as well and I sometimes feel a lot of fear of the future. My husband has threatened everything from moving out of state with my child to leaving me penniless. YOU ARE STRONGER than you think. I do not have family here and feel very alone in this sometimes, so I could use the support from this forum as well. If you have been in a horrible, abusive marriage (which really ISN'T AT ALL a marriage), then you have done the right thing by leaving. You will become stronger and stronger every day. You will have some setbacks here and there, but this is normal. Just keep your focus on your goal to better your life, and you will be ok.
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