mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1468
Loc: Richmond, VA
|
|
You know, I've had anger and resentment towards my ex for some time now. Makes it a lot easier to get over her but I don't care for the person I am. I don't like being this angery. I don't really want to be friends with her either but it's getting to be that I can't stand to talk to her, to be in the room with her, etc. That would be fine if we didn't have a daughter together. Yesterday I finally saw pictures of her and 'Jason' online. Yuck.......like Catherine says. They'll make each other very happy for a very short time. Believe me, I don't want her back. Even the strangers I've been dating have treated me better than she did.
Anyway, I'm seeing a counselor. I feel like my individual therapy is reaching an end and I'm wondering if I should talk to her and see if she would go to counseling with me so that we can move beyond the resentment and such in order to be more civil and to be better parents. I'd talk to her personally about my issues with her but like I said, I'm angry so it's probably not the best idea to talk with her directly about some of that stuff.
--------------------
Insert witty comment here. 
|
germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1309
|
|
It's an interesting concept, however, the same rule applies to counseling before divorce. Both parties need to want to improve the situation. If one party thinks the situation is just fine, they won't be willing to "improve".
Just my .02
|
mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1468
Loc: Richmond, VA
|
|
I'm pretty sure she knows it isn't fine, especially since I called her a selfish [censored] when I found out 'Jason' spent the night while our daughter was in the house. She knows I'm angry and she's still completely shut off. Maybe it doesn't bother her but I'm pretty sure she'd rather things were different. Believe me, I could assure her in no certain terms that I would never take her back if she thinks the counseling would be for that purpose.
I don't meet with my counselor for another few weeks. I may ask her what she things about the idea. I know my therapist mentioned something along that line when I met with her the first time.
--------------------
Insert witty comment here.
|
taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2495
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
|
|
your stbx isnt going to go to counseling with you.
she's done and moved on.
and you guys dont need "joint' counseling to be better coparents.
good coparenting is a choice.
you both are mentally able to Choose or not choose how to parent together and apart.
it will make no difference for you stbx to hear how you 'feel' about her boyfriend being around your daughter.
all it WILL do is cement them closer together as they will be 'fighting' against you. AND it will be good 'stuff' to use to mock you when they are together.
YEEEAAHHHH!!! no conseling together.
additionally...often when people are suggesting this kind of thing it's an unlying hope of contact. when you look back you will see this is most likely the case for you too.
forget about your stbx.
do what youre doing.
and
keep moving forward.
right now youre dating like a fiend to forget your stbx,
to prove to yourself and to her that y ou are still a great, attractive guy that women DO want to be around.
eventually you'll believe that! 'cuz you ARE!
then youre dating will slow down.
you'll be used to you stbx's boyfriend,
and
you'll feel even better than you do now.
--------------------
taryn.
|
Motor-Head
Platinum
Reged: 02/07/08
Posts: 695
Loc: 10,000 RPM
|
|
bad idea
stop thinking about wanting to explane yourself 2 her.
She could care less about you.
|
jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1640
|
|
You can't fix her. You can't change her.
Counseling is not for co-parenting. You can only control your actions. Calling her a selfish so and so is not good co-parenting. She sees you as hostile and will not go into therapy because of your faults. You need to control the one thing you can - you.
|
mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1468
Loc: Richmond, VA
|
|
Believe me, I love my daughter but I sometimes wish she wasn't in the picture so I didn't have to see her at all. I'd rather have no contact, period.
As for dating like a fiend to make her jealous. Not at all. I'm doing that for me. I already feel that I'm attractive and women want to be around me. Heck, on father's day, the stbx told me 'I looked good'. I told her I know and that I didn't need to hear it from her. That pissed her off.
--------------------
Insert witty comment here.
|
chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1306
|
|
I've thought of that and have asked my lawer about it. In one trip to my daughters counciler my X showed up and my daughter left the room. Spent an hour making agreements and one was that she would go with me every other week. After she missed the first visit I asked why and she said why would she pay to hear someone call her a lier. Not a single agreement we made that day has held up.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
