Limey707
Silver
Reged: 07/06/07
Posts: 75
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I'll leave all the emotional details out as I'm sure a lot of you have been there, done that, suffice to say that she is the driving force behind the split not me.
We live in Virginia for starters. We have been married for 15 years and we have 2 kids, I am not the father nor did I adopt them but I consider them mine. They are currently 18 and 20 therefore I think they are past the age for child support in Virginia but I am willing to help them in any way I can. That, however will be between me and them and not involve my wife.
I am employed full time making ~ $85k she has been employed on and off and currently does not have a full time job but when she was working part time she typically made $10/hour, equivalent to ~ $20k / year
We are trying to agree on a fair alimony and I really have no idea what is reasonable. The split will be without animosity as we both feel we can reach an agreement.
I have seen some post somewhere (that helps doesn't it) where Fairfax county in Virginia uses a formula of 30% of my gross salary minus 50% of her earnings (or potential earnings) which would be 84000 x 0.3 = 25200 minus hers of 21000 x 0.5 = 10500 which equals $14700 or $1225 per month
I also will be keeping the kids on my health insurance until I no longer can after college, which will cost me about $250 per month which I think 50% gets subtracted from the alimony so $1100 per month
There are no marital assets to speak of, we rent so no house, 2 cars of which we will each get one when I sign hers over to her. All other property has already been split but I really don't care about that.
I have a 401k plan which I took a loan out on in January to pay of some family debts (although not all) so there is not that much left in it, maybe $7-9k. We have some debts still, 1) the $5k loan from my 401k, 2) 3 credit cards with maybe $2k, 3) a Dell loan for $1.5k and 4) a dental loan for $1k.
I am willing to take on 1), the largest debt from 2) of about $1000 and 3) and 4) so if split down the middle I am taking on her half of the debts for around $4.5k which would be what she would get from my 401k so maybe we could call that evens.
My daughter attends community college and is 20 and I have no problems taking care of her tuition fees as they aren't that high, maybe $1500 per year.
My son, 18, attends George Mason (sophomore this term) and he is taking out student loans in his name with his grandmother as a cosigner if needed.
I don't think any of these should impact our divorce but what do I know
Is there anything else I am missing, I'm not clear about her health insurance if I am responsible for anything after the divorce. I have heard about a QDRO if the 401k does need to be split which is fine.
I am undoubtedly suffering from the symptom of trying to be fair and protect her and the kids from hardship but I know she is not my responsibility anymore as she is involved, at least emotionally with someone else already (must be nice)
Thanks for any help you can offer me
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3499
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[quote]I'll leave all the emotional details out as I'm sure a lot of you have been there, done that, suffice to say that she is the driving force behind the split not me.
We live in Virginia for starters. We have been married for 15 years and we have 2 kids, I am not the father nor did I adopt them but I consider them mine. They are currently 18 and 20 therefore I think they are past the age for child support in Virginia but I am willing to help them in any way I can. That, however will be between me and them and not involve my wife.
I am employed full time making ~ $85k she has been employed on and off and currently does not have a full time job but when she was working part time she typically made $10/hour, equivalent to ~ $20k / year
We are trying to agree on a fair alimony and I really have no idea what is reasonable. The split will be without animosity as we both feel we can reach an agreement.
I have seen some post somewhere (that helps doesn't it) where Fairfax county in Virginia uses a formula of 30% of my gross salary minus 50% of her earnings (or potential earnings) which would be 84000 x 0.3 = 25200 minus hers of 21000 x 0.5 = 10500 which equals $14700 or $1225 per month
I also will be keeping the kids on my health insurance until I no longer can after college, which will cost me about $250 per month which I think 50% gets subtracted from the alimony so $1100 per month
My response:
This is factored into child support, not alimony.
You said:
There are no marital assets to speak of, we rent so no house, 2 cars of which we will each get one when I sign hers over to her. All other property has already been split but I really don't care about that.
I have a 401k plan which I took a loan out on in January to pay of some family debts (although not all) so there is not that much left in it, maybe $7-9k. We have some debts still, 1) the $5k loan from my 401k, 2) 3 credit cards with maybe $2k, 3) a Dell loan for $1.5k and 4) a dental loan for $1k.
I am willing to take on 1), the largest debt from 2) of about $1000 and 3) and 4) so if split down the middle I am taking on her half of the debts for around $4.5k which would be what she would get from my 401k so maybe we could call that evens.
My response:
I would take on the debt that has your name on it and not depend on her to pay it. She may very well pay it, but you are out of luck if she doesn't. Taking on all of the debt to keep what's left in the 401K is a good idea.
You said:
Is there anything else I am missing, I'm not clear about her health insurance if I am responsible for anything after the divorce.
My response:
This is where the insurance would be factored into alimony. Check with a lawyer (and your insurance company)to see if it is even possible to keep her on your insurance once the divorce is final.
You said:
I am undoubtedly suffering from the symptom of trying to be fair and protect her and the kids from hardship but I know she is not my responsibility anymore as she is involved, at least emotionally with someone else already (must be nice)
My response:
Nothing wrong with wanting to be reasonable and fair. Just don't bend over backwards in an attempt to get her back. Try to reach a settlement that both of you can live with.
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Limey707
Silver
Reged: 07/06/07
Posts: 75
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Thanks for your response,
I have a question about the kids health coverage, you said that was covered in child support but they are both beyond the age of CS in Virginia so I thought it would then be split 50/50 so thats why I thought the monthly premium would come out of the alimony. Am I mistaken about that?
As to the debts, I am doing what you advise. All of the debt in my name is what I am taking on even though at least 50% was used for her debts, that ok though.
I already called the health insurance folks and they said she would not be covered but I did read somewhere that she could pay Cobra premiums to stay on the insurance. Having seen these 'Cobra' premiums I doubt she can afford them even if I am responsible for 50% of them as they are very high in Virginia. If she gets her own insurance would I be responsible for half her premiums and would that be part of the alimony or on top of what I think we can agree on.
Lastly, I have no idea if I'm being fair, stingy or too generous, is about $1000 a month until she marries or co-habits ok.
I really appreciate your help as I have read a lot of sad stories here and elsewhere and am thankful my situation is relatively calm
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2223
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I would set a specific time limit on the alimony, and that it can't be re-visited, once that time has expired. There is no specific law how long that should be. I've seen from 1/4 the length of the marriage to 1/2 as common numbers. In the middle, would be 3/8 of 15, which is 5 1/2 years. Good luck.
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overwhelmed
Platinum
Reged: 10/13/06
Posts: 1186
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Have you consulted an attorney about any of this? That just seems high to me and she should be able to work full-time or 2 part-time jobs if full-time isn't available since the kids are grown. Alimony is ideally designed to help the ex get back on his/her feet which shouldn't be too awful hard for her with no small kids around.
She could probably find a full-time job that offered insurance as well.
I agree with the above poster about setting a specific end date and including a clause about cohabitating.
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Sarah1014
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2354
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I agree. Set that end date. Don't leave it up for revisitation. If you enter another relationship in the future, you don't want this hanging out there to be rehashed. Esp. if you get remarried...and your new wife works. Her income will enhance your ability to pay. My paralegal friend warned me of this.
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Limey707
Silver
Reged: 07/06/07
Posts: 75
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I raised the separation agreement with her in person today, that did not go well so I sent her my ideas via email, hopefully she is more receptive to that. I said I wanted a limit of 7 years (1/2 the marriage), the $1000/month may seem high but I can budget for it without too much difficulty and I don't want to feel as if I am bargaining my own beliefs away.
I am doing a lot better emotionally than I thought at this point, I must be as I'm listening to The Smiths right now and actually enjoying it rather than looking for a razor blade :D
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kent
Platinum
Reged: 06/13/07
Posts: 2993
Loc: a melted glacier
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If your state has collaborative law approach you may be able to keep things more peaceful as the process goes forward.
Smiths - good music - but I have kept mine away from me until I feel better. Right now I need something happier! I am listening to the latest Modest Mouse (Johnny Marr joined them - thereby a Smith link).
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golightly
Gold
Reged: 04/10/07
Posts: 141
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You may run into a sticky poin twith the health insurance for the kids, since you are under no legal obligation to support them. Most insurance plans will allow you to keep the kids on until age 21, and up to age 25 if they are in school full time. However, you may be asked to "prove" that it is a legal obligation.
If it is written into your divorce decree that you are obligated to cover 100% of this expense for them, then it may be possible - However, be sure you don't sign up for a legal obligation that may become too much of a burden in teh future (eg what if you lose your job?) Also, before you take on this obligation, check with your insurance co. to make sure they would, in fact, be willing to cover the kids under these cirumstances. It would really s#ck if you were forced to buy an independant policy on the kids because you "promised" this.
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Limey707
Silver
Reged: 07/06/07
Posts: 75
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My insurance will cover the kids up til 24 if they are in full time education. This should not be a problem for my son who attends a full time university but I am keeping an eye on my daughters plans as she may decide to only be part time at community college as she has done that once before and was taken off the plan. Fortunately she went back full time this year and is back on the insurance without any problems
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