pdm1960
Platinum
Reged: 02/15/06
Posts: 268
Loc: California
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Has anyone else lost a spouse to someone there spouse met on the internet? This is my story. On Sunday, 5 Dec 2005, I caught my wife blowing a kiss to someone she was connected to on-line. I got angry and asked what was going on. She gave me a lame excuss that it was just a girl friend of hers. On the morning of Saturday, 10 Dec 2005, my wife of 10 years informed me that she was going to visit her fathers grave. That evening I received a phone call from her and she told me not to worry, that she was with a friend, and asked me to take good care of our 4 year old daughter. She said she needed time to think. She returned on Tuesday, 12 Dec 2005 and informed me point blank that for the last 4 days she had been with a man she met on the internet back in November 2005. Later in the week she indicated that she had flown from California to Colorado to meet this guy. Christmas was hell. I filed for divorce on the 28th of Dec. I also did some research/investigation on this guy. He is the same age as my wife, 35. He lives at home with his parents. And he doesn't work. Both my wife and I work and make decent money. Up until last Friday, 10 Feb 2005, we were living under the same roof. She finally moved out. Shortly after the informed me about this guy I disconnected the internet from our house but she continued to call and receive calls from this guy. Additionally, she contracted an "infection" from this encounter. Then again on Friday, 27 Jan 2006, she flew back to Colorado to meet this guy again. She told her lawyer that it was a "business" trip. I told her it was the oldest business in the world. She is now out of the house and I've had my daughter. We have had a great time. But my wife will get her next week based on our visit arrangements. Back when this whole episode started it caused me to be put on 2 medications for high blood pressure and I've lost 30 pounds. Since her leaving however, my BP has come down, I'm off of 1 of the medications and I'm eating again. I have formed a great support group with family, friends, and counselors but some days are still hard. I needed to speak out on this topic and I enjoy this site. Also, I was hoping there were others out there that may have had the same experience.
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bblonde3434
Silver
Reged: 02/03/06
Posts: 66
Loc: Oklahoma
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pdm ~
I have not been affected by the "internet whoring" trend. (don't mean to offend anyone, but that's the way I see these people) However I know people that have. It seems like it is becoming more socially acceptable and that is just sad.
I think you should post this in the 'General Forums'. There may be people to whom this would be relavant, that do not read the local forums. But I am not sure exactly which forum you would post it in...... Maybe start a new one??
Just a suggestion.
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Lauri~
Edited by bblonde3434 (02/17/06 04:39 PM)
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pdm1960
Platinum
Reged: 02/15/06
Posts: 268
Loc: California
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Blonde, I appreciate the response. I like your choice of words. It is so true. I have two cell phone ID's for my former spouse when she tries to call me; "Cyber Slut" and "Cyber Whore". That way I get a chuckle out of it when she calls and I don't answer. Thanks again. :)
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bblonde3434
Silver
Reged: 02/03/06
Posts: 66
Loc: Oklahoma
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Hard to find humor in these situations but it's nice when you can still laugh about something. It's especially nice when it (the joke) is aimed at the ex.
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Lauri~
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pdm1960
Platinum
Reged: 02/15/06
Posts: 268
Loc: California
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Like most people going through this, every day is different. Today is a good day. I have had my days were I just cry. My 5 year old daughter will tell me "don't cry papa". And give me hugs. I realize it is good to grieve. And I am slowly working my way out of this because I also realize I have a responsibility to myself and my child. Plus, I want to do it and feel better. The humor comes and goes and it is nice to have it back. Its people like yourself that I've met, and things like this forum, that helps. Thanks
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Carl
New
Reged: 02/13/06
Posts: 4
Loc: KS
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Sounds like my story. I really think a forum needs to be started for that topic. I try not to cry in front of my kids anymore but sometimes it's difficult. I always think it may have been different if the guy had been someone I could see instead of being a lame loser from the internet. Hang in there...I know exactly what you're going through.
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kota1967
Platinum
Reged: 01/26/06
Posts: 1480
Loc: New England
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PDM: umfortunately there are many women that meet men on the internet and end up having affairs with them and throwing away families and marriages...I amjust glad you found out about it fairly soon into it...it is great that you are enjoying being a dad and you are losing weight and getting off of meds...these are positive things...anyways I wish you the best rebuilding your life and your daughter's life....by the way my aunt left a 20 year marriage about the same way your wife did....but the sad part is my uncle took her back only for her to do it to him again....some habits are hard to break I guess...for both of them...
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been there
Platinum
Reged: 01/09/06
Posts: 453
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You need to ask for sole physical custody of your child if you think for one nanosecond that she'll try to move the child to CO. At the very least, get a no move clause so she can't move the child without petitioning the court for a modification. Personally, I suspect a guy at 35 who is living at home with his parents is not going to be eager to be some kid's daddy but you owe it to the child to protect her. Her mother clearly isn't concerned with that. Good luck to you. Keep your focus on the child. She sounds like a good one. And change the locks on the door. You don't need her whining back when this great internet romance vaporizes.
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kota1967
Platinum
Reged: 01/26/06
Posts: 1480
Loc: New England
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Carl: the man my aunt left my uncle for was not all that either but to my anunt he was the world...I think initially it was the secrecy of the whole thing...she started "living" on the computer and not doing any of the things that were important to her...in a matter of a few weeks she bought the tickets and was leaving for "a weekend away with the girls"...her son "caught" her on he radio (she was on a cordless phone)...it was a huge mess and it toally ruined so many lives...
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pdm1960
Platinum
Reged: 02/15/06
Posts: 268
Loc: California
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I would like to thank everyone for their support. To answer "Been There", my attorney recommended putting whats called an "ex parte" on my spouse when I filed for divorce. It is essentially a restraining order against my spouse(or is it more appropriate to say "cyber slut" I find it hard to call her my spouse or even my wife) so she can not remove my daughter from the county we live in and the county my daughter has daycare in. This really pissed of my spouse. She couldn't believe that I thought she would think of taking our daughter out of state but I told her that I couldn't believe she did what she did. She didn't say much after that. I changed the locks the day she moved out. I have also purged the house of anything that was her or reminded me of her. I started doing this while she was still there. I have painted most of the rooms in my house new colors, changed the furniture, and replaced items as she removed them. This also pissed her off. I think she thought I was going to roll over but that only lasted a couple of days. I decided to have a behavior that she did not expect. I have also thrown away or burned most everything she has given me. Some people have indicated that this is kind of extreme but I have had fun and actually feel better. My daughter and I have had a great time since she moved out. I have also found a local community support group and while I still have my moments (crying and jealousy), I feel I'm starting to heal. Thanks again.
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