Divorce Support Forums: next step

I started posting on prevent divorce about a month ago. My situation is this. My wife had two extra-marital relationships. How far they went physically I don't know. Her reason in a nut shell is that she lost feelings for me. She says we just aren't compatible. We have two kids. I've spent a year now trying to connect with my wife. Her stance is that she wants to stay together for the kids, but she doesn't feel we're compatible emotionally. My stance is I want what's best for my kids too, I just don't think her offer of an empty marriage is what's best for my kids. We don't hate each other (I still love her). We don't argue that much and we typically agree on how to raise our kids.

She has an alchohol problem. Last weekend I went to a concert with some friends. In the morning my older boy told me about how she had fallen asleep and he and my younger boy stayed up watching T.V. He thought is was funny and didn't really understand. I recognized the pattern. I really had hoped knowing she was alone with the kids she wouldn't drink, but now I wonder how much I can trust her to be alone with the kids.

We own a home. I don't want to be the one to move out. I didn't look outside the marriage. In the past year I took the whole trust thing seriously. I didn't collect any physical evidence (emails) most likely I could still get evidence, but it would probably be costly, and it would probably turn things ugly, I don't want to do that to my kids.

My focus at this point is protecting my children. They love (as they should) their mom and me. I have always insisted on them respecting their mother and always will. I want things to go as smoothly as possible for my kids, but I don't want to show them that its O.K. to just give up everything you work for, and I am seriously beginning to question my wife's ability to handle the kids on her own.

So what do I do next? I really don't want to get a divorce, but I need to face the reality that it is not getting better. Attornies are expensive and we need to start saving for the kid's college. I can afford the house and kids on my salery, but the belt would be really tight and I don't know how much I could set aside for college. She has a good job and can afford to support herself and the kids half time, but couldn't afford to keep the house on her salery.

The little I've read about divorce it sounds like the "best strategy" is to ask for everything and then negotiate down. That would be fine if it were just me and her, but I don't want to put my kids through it, and it sounds to me as its the lawyers who benefit most from that strategy. She is a lawyer, and says she would "never screw" me, but my trust in her is dwindling.

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