SFLLADY
Gold
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 114
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I'm sorry to say that my ex is the worst type of father. Our divorce has been final for a lil' over a month and he has taken no more than 24 tl hrs to spend w/ his dchildren. They are well aware he has a woman he's living with and she has children from another relationship..so the kids are feeling out of sorts because they question his feelings for them. I try to let them make their own judgements about his behavior..but, I see they're dumbfounded that he could do this and take it all so lightly. Any advice would be appreciated. And b4 you ask.." yes, I have spoke to him and it seems he is unconcerned since he's not on the end of the situation.
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EmergeAnew
Platinum
Reged: 02/26/08
Posts: 229
Loc: IL
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How old are your kids?
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You must be the change you wish to see - Mahatma Gandhi
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overwhelmed
Platinum
Reged: 10/13/06
Posts: 1201
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Hopefully when the new wears off he'll decide to be more of a parent to your kids.
We can't change how other people behave so all you can do is be there for your kids. It breaks my heart to see my kids going through it because I did as a teenager and it left me with scars.
You might suggest that they talk to their dad if you think that's appropriate but it backfired on my daughter when I suggested that. My son told me the other night he felt like his dad had abandoned them and he knew he needed to talk to his dad about it but wasn't strong enough. I understand that because I'm still not strong enough to confront my mom 24 years later.
I really don't have much advice because I haven't quite figured it out either but wanted you to know you're not alone.
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SFLLADY
Gold
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 114
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9-16 2 girls 9&16 3 BOYS 11/13/14
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SFLLADY
Gold
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 114
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I also went thru this when I was younger..so I can also relate to my kids. I truly never wanted them to go thru this in their young lives. My husband and I had been married 20yrs when he decisded to tk on a new lady in his life. I'm dealing with it because I had already felt the loss of fhim from our relationship. But, he has truly dismantled the relationship between him and his kids. The main problem is he doesn't even acknowledge it as a problem. But, as we all know..its going to come around and bite him in the #$$^^.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2738
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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my kids are going thru the same thing.
it is awful to watch.
as an adult it's bad enough to feel replaced and
to be treated badly repeatedly.
for a KID to have to feel this way from a parent is messed up.
sorry for all our kids.
every time i THINK something has casued my stbx to change,
turns our to be lip service which is worse than not saying anything at all.
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taryn.
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SFLLADY
Gold
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 114
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Taryn, I'm glad we can come here and get a bit of support to make it thru yet another day.
Hang in there and I'll be rgt next to you.
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2narnara2
Gold
Reged: 02/09/08
Posts: 188
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My 2 children are also feeling the affects of a selfish dad. Just let them know the love you have for them. It hurts to see our children so hurt, but you can't force a man to be a dad.
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overwhelmed
Platinum
Reged: 10/13/06
Posts: 1201
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SFLADY - I just read your post on the abuse forum. That may be why their dad isn't visiting. He may be in over his head and trying to protect the kids by staying away.
When my ex first left I had custody but made it clear numerous times that he could see/take the kids whenever he was able to but he wouldn't do it. I found out later that OW's husband had made threats and possibly attempts to harm him and he was afraid the psycho would do something to him when he had the kids. He was in a situation that he didn't know how to get out of and tried to protect the kids by keeping them away from the craziness.
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SFLLADY
Gold
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 114
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I took that into consideration also. But, with that in mind..it doesn't say much for the woman he's involved with..does it. Or his common sense to get with someone who would quite possibly harm you in front of your kids.
Edited by SFLLADY (03/15/08 10:00 PM)
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