cricket70
New
Reged: 02/29/08
Posts: 3
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I was wondering if anyone out there has any information on the effects of the mom changing her last name. Now, out of no where my ex wants me to change to my maiden name. When we divorced I had that option but I kept it for the kids and at the time he agreed. I have been seperated for almost 3 yrs. and divorced for 2. One child is an early teen the other to be 13 soon. Any research or advice?
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3591
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[quote]I was wondering if anyone out there has any information on the effects of the mom changing her last name. Now, out of no where my ex wants me to change to my maiden name. When we divorced I had that option but I kept it for the kids and at the time he agreed. I have been seperated for almost 3 yrs. and divorced for 2. One child is an early teen the other to be 13 soon. Any research or advice? [/quote]
To be blunt, it didn't matter whether your ex agreed to it or not. He can't make you change your last name. Even now.
If you want to change it, do so (but since he wants you to, ask him to pay for it. It wouldn't have cost anything at the time of divorce). If you don't, tell your ex to stuff it.
In fact, you can change your name to anything you want. My former "maiden" name isn't the same last as my father or my mother. It was a name I came up with. Along with my first and middle name. I didn't like what my parents named me, so I changed it 16 years ago.
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cricket70
New
Reged: 02/29/08
Posts: 3
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Thanks, I appreciate your feedback. I am more concerned about how it would make my children feel then I am about what he wants. So, anyone that has gone through this and can speak from experience on how their child felt/feels would be great! Thanks!
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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I can't advise about changing names. My ex never took my name. So the children have always had a different last name than their mom. It doesn't seem to be much of a problem.
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Down
Platinum
Reged: 12/19/06
Posts: 469
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I haven't changed mine back to my maiden name yet but I plan to soon. Just sit down and ask your kids how they would feel about it. My youngest is 10 and all he asked is if that meant he had to change his. I explained that I was going back to the name I was born with and so he should keep the name he was born with, too. That made sense to him. I hope this helps a little.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3591
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[quote]Thanks, I appreciate your feedback. I am more concerned about how it would make my children feel then I am about what he wants. So, anyone that has gone through this and can speak from experience on how their child felt/feels would be great! Thanks! [/quote]
I was caring for children when I changed my name. It took them a little while to get used to it. But they weren't overly upset that I changed my name. And they were younger than yours.
Your children are old enough that you can ask them how they would feel about it.
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gracie lou
New
Reged: 04/07/08
Posts: 8
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My only child is 14. I am 49, married for 29 years and hopefully will see a divorce before I am 50. She says she doesn't care if I go back to my maiden name..........frankly, I had intended to anyway, but wanted to get her reaction. I can't wait to be ME again.
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Down
Platinum
Reged: 12/19/06
Posts: 469
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gracie,
I highly recommend making this part of the divorce paperwork, it's free and simple. I'm in the process of doing this a year after the decree was signed and have to pay $250 and appear in front of a judge with 2 adult witnesses. What a hassle!! Still can't wait to be me again though. By the way, we are nearly the same age & I have a 14 year old daughter, too! Small world.
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Sarah1014
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2363
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My son was 12 at the time of divorce. He just thought it was part of the deal. He had no problem with it.
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1315
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I'm kinda with who cares what The X wants here. It's up to you. One thing I have run into I never expected was now that I'm married and my wife has taken my name we are a family of four with one having a different name. Not a problem for us adults but my daughter has made a couple of comments that my step daughter is not part of the family because her name is not the same. I've corrected it but I just feel it was one more thing I shouldn't have had to deal with or at least never expected.
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