SFLLADY
Silver
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 99
|
|
My 9 yr old daughter confronted her dad about where he was living and when was it going to be possible for her and her siblings to visit. He once again said "next week." She stated to him " tell me where you are living" he finally did. My children walked to his home where he now lives w/ his GF, her 2 kids and her Mother. Boy was he ever surprised. But they all finally got the answers they wanted and ha asked him for from the past few months. He was so embarrassed about the living conditions, the way his GF carried herself, and the fact that she slept the day away while they were there. Funny, since she doesn't work.
Anywho..the kids stayed for 20 minutes and then returned home saying " we don't ever want to go back there..its nasty." I don't know why Daddy stay there." I relayed to them " everyone has a choice of how they live..he's made his choice." I'm ok w/ it all. I'm just glad its finished. Now they know how to find him and that he's ok. They just don't want to visit again. Choice will always be up to them!
|
jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1629
|
|
NO - it is not their choice to visit him. It will be a court order and the biggest responsibility you have as the custodial parent is to support the kids visiting him no matter where he lives (unless dangerous) no matter how you feel about it.
They need their dad and yes what he has done is wrong and morally terrible. But your kids need to build their relationship with their dad and you need to foster and help that.
Think of it this way. If they were saying that about your mom's house - would you still say that they had a choice?
|
SFLLADY
Silver
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 99
|
|
To force these children to visit w/ him at his home is not the right thing to do since the divorce and separation of them to him has only been 6 months..i feel it would be detrimental in the long run.
My X was the person who incinuated he didn't need a schedule to see his children. But, then he chose not to visit at all. After he moved he didn't want them to know where he was living.. even when his kids would ask where he was living he would continue to lie.for what reason I'm truly unsure.
So, yes I do choose to not force the relationship w/ him and his children so I can remain nuetral since I don't agree w/ his choice for them to clueless of his living quarters.
|
MommaMia
Platinum
Reged: 02/17/07
Posts: 376
|
|
I agree with Jersey Girl and I think you may be unintentionally putting your issues about your ex on to your children.
You are doing them no favors by letting a 9 year old choose whether or not to visit their father. Your children will resent you as an adult if you badmouth him or hinder their relationship.
Trust me, I know it is hard, after everything that has happened, and even when he is being a jerk now. But you have to rise above that, not always, just when it concerns the children.
|
chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1304
|
|
Momma is right.
|
eric19446
New
Reged: 04/29/08
Posts: 1
|
|
It might be important to pay attention to what the children here said. They don't want to go back to where he is living. Not they don't want to see their father again. So why not have some visitation that does not involve going to the home of the GF's mother. This way the everyone's interests are served and the kids don't have to deal with the mess it sounds like their father has created for himself but still have some contact with their father.
|
SFLLADY
Silver
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 99
|
|
Let me reiterate the situation. The kids father doesn't want to set a schedule of any kind to visit w/ the kids. He continues to come up w/ excuses to tell them why he can't visit w/ them or they couldn't come there. After they went over to his place and saw the condition of the home's interior..they didn't want to return.
I have always since we separated given him free rein as far as visiting w/ the kids. He just chose not to. I didn't place a schedule in our decree just so he would feel comfortable giving of his time to them when he wanted to..not when the courts would allow him to.
I didn't inquire about them visiting w/ him until they continued to ask " why I didn't want them to go visit w/ him." I kept trying to leave it up to him to set the pace. HE JUST NEVER MANNED UP TO DO SO.
i WON'T EVER STAND IN THE WAY OF HIM HAVING A RELATIONSHIP W/ HIS CHILDREN..i HONOR THAT WHOLEHEARTEDLY!
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
