tiredofnagging
Gold
Reged: 05/09/08
Posts: 170
Loc: Las Vegas, NV USA
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My brother's wife's sister has a unique problem. After 20 some odd years of marriage, her DH comes home on day, tells her he no longer loves her, announces he has a girlfriend and leaves to go live with his mother. The a$$hole has a good job, makes good money and does meet his obligations. However, the kids (twin girls aged 16 and a boy, 15) have serious emotional issues over the change in dynamics, etc....
She wants a divorce and be able to move on and put this behind her. She is approaching the big 5-0 but is a very nice and giving person, and could make someone happy. But she is stuck for now, and her stbx (?) is paying expenses as if they were still married, but I guarantee that as soon as the youngest is 18, that's over. She has a decent job, but cannot survive on her salary alone. So she has to allow status quo for now.
She recently told me that he wants to come back home but will not promise to stop seeing the other woman. Sounds like serious mindgames. Without making judgements (and I know there are some out there who are capable), what kind of advice would be the most help?
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This Too Shall Pass
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2209
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She shouldn't allow him back. She should also sell what she can to reduce her money outlay each month. For example, sell the new car, and buy a used one for cash. Sell the house, and buy a smaller one, shut off the cable, eat out less, etc. If he's still paying all the bills, she can expect the amount he would legally have to pay to probably be less. It's better to be prepared.
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tiredofnagging
Gold
Reged: 05/09/08
Posts: 170
Loc: Las Vegas, NV USA
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She will not and never let him back, especially since he has stated that he will be friends with the other woman. LOL. Like I said, her kids are in a bad way, in fact one of the girls has stated she wants nothing to do with him. One say he will rue what he has done. That all said, she has tried to cut down on expenses. She drives an older Honda, but she wants to stay in the house for the kids sake. Worst part is that they have almost no equity. She has been stashing cash, whenever she buys groceries, she uses her debit and sneaks out extra cash.
But her main problem is emotional. This guy has wrecked her self worth to the point that she has almost no confidence in herself. My issues pale in comparison I guess.
My wife does recognize her behavior is not appropriate and has said she will see a psychologist and get on anti-depression meds. We had a serious talk last night. This is when I heard about her sister-in-laws situation. So we decided that if she does work on her issues I will work on my resentment and maybe our love will return. We don't want to disturb our daughter's life.
If things don't work out I'll know I've done everything I can. I will never mindf*ck her.
Thanks for your opinion.
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This Too Shall Pass
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