rhjh
New
Reged: 06/23/08
Posts: 8
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I'm getting close to finalizing my divorce. We will be sharing JPC so my boys will spend equal time with each of us. Till this point my ex and I have been co-habituating so there's been no real separation for me form the boys.
I am profoundly saddened by the prospect of spending any time away from my boys. Like any parent I have a deep love for them and wish we could be together all the time but the reality is that there will be times when they are not together. I'm am sure that I am not alone in this fear, hoping for some words of wisdom from those that are surviving it now, how do you deal with the sadness and anxiety? Any tips for managing emotions with your children and maintaining healthy relationships with JPC?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not on the ledge or anything but I do feel consumed right now with the dread of having to being this part our lives. The facts are that this is not a traditional arrangement for a family and I am worried about the detachment from my kids, you know, out of sight, out of mind, will they grow away from me because I am not around when they are with their mother? Finding it hard to cope with this feeling....any help or advice would be appreciated...
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1281
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Well, rather than having them 1/2 to yourself all the time, you'll have them ALL to yourself 1/2 the time. So, your time with them is just that. You and them. No one else getting involved. You might get more involved in their lives because of it. Realizing how precious our time is with our kids. I wish you the best of luck.
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rhjh
New
Reged: 06/23/08
Posts: 8
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Appreciate the perspective. I feel like I am as involved as I can (without being overbearing) be but I see your point. Thanks!
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2NoCharm
New
Reged: 03/05/08
Posts: 24
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I have been thru this. Believe it or not, it has turned out well. Although I am going thru my second divorce (a whim), I will address the fist just for you. My kids stay with me a week...him a week. They have become very diversified and we all (me,ex, his new wife) have learned to interact for the benefit of the children. No, I didn't think things would go in this direction, but looking back, I am pleasantly surprised. I took the time I had/have alone, without my children, to focus on work,hobbies, reading, and friendships. I never disrespected their dad to them, and it has payed off. My children love the time we both spend with them. They have "2 homes" and can bring their friends to either. They appreciate the fact that their dad, his wife, and I respect each other. We all have a pact that the kids will not "play us" against each other. I'll admit, it was a struggle to get to this point but now the kids have the best of both worlds. With NO FUSSING AND FIGHTING! The quote I have kept on my refridgerator thru all of this is........IF YOU'RE GOING THRU HELL, KEEP GOING. Bless you...and know that nothing is as bad.....or as good........as we perceive it at the moment.
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SingleDad
Bronze
Reged: 06/19/08
Posts: 29
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It will be what you make of it. I have a 2.5yo daughter and caught by suprised be a legal separation. I have my daughter 6 of 14 overnights. I never used to think of it, but now All I think about is being that best father I can be (along with wanting to win back my marriage with my separated wife).
Seems odd that you have lived with STBXW throughout the divorce process and seem to take it in stride - have you tried separation first to see if you both can live with split time with your kids ?
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rhjh
New
Reged: 06/23/08
Posts: 8
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I agree, this has underscored to me what really matters in life, my children.
Unfortunately there is no chance of changing the course of our divorce. I wanted to try and reconcile but the circumstances were simply too much to allow us to save our marriage. We will be splitting time on a JPC basis, I am still dreading it as it means time away from them but I know they'll get all the love they need.
We are fortunate to be able to keep this amicable, which is important to me as she is STILL the boy's mother and ultimately I want her to be successful in her relationship with them.
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melanie14
Platinum
Reged: 03/11/06
Posts: 3058
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at least you are ready to have a friendly relationship with your stbx. that is soooo important. It is so much better for the kids if you can get along. You are definately going into this with a good attitude and it will make everyone's life much easier. You should be proud of yourself!
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