norcal
Platinum
Reged: 08/24/06
Posts: 1019
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All these posts seem to be about handling the division of time between people that are co-parenting.
Wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation as I, that the other parent is hardly involved? And if so, how do you handle it? What do you tell your child?
My daughter (six years old) saw her dad this weekend at a function for her older sister. He has seen her five times over the five month period of our separation. He was very affectionate and attentive while spending time with her this past weekend. As he was saying goodbye to her, she was almost frantic in trying to get a commitment from him as to when she would she him again. His non-committal reply was, 'my next day off'. Well I know his day off has come and gone since last weekend and he hasn't so much as called her. She has asked me specifically three times, 'when is daddy's day off so I can see him'.
My heart breaks for my daughter and the guilt I feel for taking her away from her father is immense.
Any words of wisdom?
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life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance..
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3591
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You didn't take her father away from her. Her father did that.
Just because the two of you aren't together anymore doesn't mean that he stops being the father. He is the one who is choosing not to see his child.
Don't feel guilty over his actions.
I am sorry that your child is going through this. I would suggest that she calls him, but he would probably make another empty promise and hurt her again.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1592
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I have the same issue. Only, my stbx is really far away (10 hrs), so that's his excuse. No money for gas. He's seen his son a total of 2 days in the past year. No kidding. In the beginning, my poor son (6 yo) would always ask for him. I think as time wore on, he got tired of asking, and being lied to by his dad. So, he's mostly resigned to only seeing his dad on rare occasions.
Their contact is via phone, and that's only when dad remembers to call. He's supposed to do that every Weds at 7PM so we can plan for it, but that only happens once every 2 or 3 weeks. It's pitiful.
Just love your daughter as much as you can. Tell her you're a perfect family just the way you are. You'll be OK. Kids are really smart and can figure out what's going on pretty quickly. Just keep telling her that her daddy will see her when he can. And that he loves her.
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norcal
Platinum
Reged: 08/24/06
Posts: 1019
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I'm sure I shoulder the brunt of the responsibilty more than I should...
Main reason being, he would see her a lot more if I tagged along with them. I feel selfish for not wanting to. I don't mind seeing him and putting up with his inappropriate remarks and wandering hands, but I don't want to spend large amounts of time together doing things with our daughter. I've tried and when I do his focus is on me and not her. Feels a little odd to say the least!
So she suffers!
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life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance..
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numbnms
Platinum
Reged: 10/18/07
Posts: 743
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I'm sorry he is acting that way, there is no reason for a Father to take his frustrations out on his children.
Have you set up a visitation schedule yet? That may be one way he will step up and do the right thing. If he knows when and how long etc etc then he can plan accordingly. Being able to say you can see the kids whenever you want to is not the same as saying I get to see the kids on XYZ. It will also take the burden off of you as the bad guy. Unfortunately it sounds like you will still be answering the questions of "why doesn't dad see me?" and my heart breaks for you and your children because of it.
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Forget waiting for the storm to pass
Learn to dance in the rain
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norcal
Platinum
Reged: 08/24/06
Posts: 1019
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Yes, I have tried...he doesn't want a schedule. Said he'll call when he's able to see her, yet, he never calls.
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life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance..
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mrpat
Platinum
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 2936
Loc: Coaching
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He's a selfish prick. Ain't he?
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1592
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[quote]Yes, I have tried...he doesn't want a schedule. Said he'll call when he's able to see her, yet, he never calls. [/quote]
Well, when he finally is ready, maybe you'll already be busy! If you had a schedule, you'd be able to plan your life, and he'd be able to plan his. Just because he doesn't want a schedule doesn't mean there shouldn't be one. Are you supposed to wait around until he calls, and then cater to his whims? And why does he need you there while he's spending time with his daughter? I don't know your whole story, so I'm probably missing some important information in this puzzle.
If you file for visitation, you'll get a schedule. And then he can either abide by it, or still not see his daughter. But, at least you'd know what days to expect him to have her. I just can't understand some fathers that don't want to see their kids. It seems so unnatural and inhuman.
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numbnms
Platinum
Reged: 10/18/07
Posts: 743
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I agree with GG, I knew I liked her for some reason, it does sound like he is still trying to control some aspects of your life. File for a schedule and when he decides to be a part of his childrens life again hopefully they will be able to forgive him for his past absenses.
Dont worry Norcal I still love you too ;-)
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Forget waiting for the storm to pass
Learn to dance in the rain
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norcal
Platinum
Reged: 08/24/06
Posts: 1019
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Hmmm, that's the second time today you've professed love to me! Shall I assume
you're feeling a bit remorseful for being so mean to me yesterday in the dating thread?
I really don't see an issue with him trying to have control. He doesn't see her other than when there is a function that he attends.
He has taken her twice (TWICE) for the sole purpose of spending time with her in a five (almost six month) period.
He lives and works about ten minutes from where we live, so seeing her would be very convenient if it were important to him.
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life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance..
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