MommaMia
Platinum
Reged: 02/17/07
Posts: 378
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My ex and I are splitting custody 50/50 this summer and it has been hard on our son (just had a meltdown because he didn't want to go with ex). I divorced him over 2 years ago (alcoholism, won't work, depression, many other reasons), and he still resents me and cannot get over it. This man is so mentally ill and immature, I just cannot begin to tell you. Anyway, my ex was supposed to have him for the fourth of July, but he offered (unsolicited) to let me have him so he could spend the fourth with his cousins. I was happy and agreed, and thanked him. My ex suffers from depression and they usually stay in the house the whole time he is over there. My son is 3 years old. He then said he could only come if no other man was going to be with us. I ignored him. He continued to ask if any other men would be there, and I continued to ignore him. For the record, I am not dating and it will just be family, but it is none of his business.
He just emails again and says:
"Your need to play games and not answer a simple question asked to you at least 3 times has made me to decide to spend the 4th with L. Also the heartbreak I felt picking Liam up this morning reminds me of what you have done to him and how you have traumatized him. I will never forgive you for that. NEVER. He needs to spend more time with his father and that includes holidays. I was trying to be nice and let him spend it with his cousins but I will find something else to do, either with W and her kids or this girl I know who works at Disney and has a kid. We may go there for the day. And there is always Sea World.
So I hope you have a crappy 4th and me and L will enjoy it no matter what we do."
I have to deal with this behavior CONSTANTLY. I am so over it. I usually ignore him, but it ticks me off so bad when he brings our son in his warped world.
:(
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MommaMia
Platinum
Reged: 02/17/07
Posts: 378
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I emailed him and said there would be no man with us (I caved because I want to see our son) and asked how he was doing (since he was so upset when I dropped him off. Here was his response:
"It took him about 20 minutes after we got home for him to calm down. (He is still irritable) I HATE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO HIM OUT OF THE SELFISH AND UNSCRUPULOUS person you are.
I don't care if a guy is going with you or not now because L is spending the 4th with his father. I was trying to be nice and you had to play your games. Then when I saw how traumatized L was when he had to leave one parent (you) to go with the other (me), it just broke my heart and made me realize that I need to spend every holiday that I can with him. I speak from experience, our son is going to be emotionally f'ed up. You wanted this, well you got this. Enjoy.............."
Sometimes I feel like I should have stayed and been miserable. Seriously. Am I alone?
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1592
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Are you going to let him have your son for the 4th? If he gives up his parenting time, is there a set time limit for this to take place so changes can't be made again at the last minute? I agree that using the children as pawns makes for a lousy childhood and can warp a child's sense of what real life should be like.
We don't have a formal visitation agreement, yet, but we've had our share of stbx saying he'll take our son at a specific time, and then backing out at the last minute. I make him tell our son when he's backing out so I'm not the bad guy, and if dad changes his mind, our son will know it's not me that's screwing around.
You might as well let him go with his dad on the 4th since it is his scheduled time. and next time, if dad doesn't want him for a weekend, maybe make dad tell your son. If dad has to be held accountable directly to his son, it might make him think twice before messing with everyone's heads. You shouldn't have to be the buffer that takes all the mind games.
What is wrong with these people?? Is your x under medical care for his depression?
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1592
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[quote] You wanted this, well you got this. [/quote]
I hear the EXACT same thing very often. I didn't want any of this!! Trust me. You're not alone! warped minds abound!
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MommaMia
Platinum
Reged: 02/17/07
Posts: 378
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My son is only 3 and has autism. He doesn't understand any of this, he just wants a routine and things around him that make him comfortable, you know?
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scbeck
Platinum
Reged: 12/29/07
Posts: 919
Loc: New Brunswick Canada
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Momma I hope you keep that email, print it out and then speak to your lawyer because the tone of that email says to me that your stbx is willing to use your son as a weapon to hurt you in some way instead of worrying about what is best for him. Sudden changes to routine are really detrimental to autistics and your stbx doesn't seem to grasp that at all.
Document everything!!
Christine
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This is the first day of the rest of my life. Or maybe tomorrow will be.
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