rooney
New
Reged: 07/01/08
Posts: 18
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I have been divorced now for two years and I have primary physcical care of my 4 year old son. Up until now his dad would see him from 5-8 two nights a week and every other weekend. I recently decided to move (only 1hr 15min away) and so it was decided to change the schedule to every other weekend and half the summer. I never had a problem with pick up or drop off until this whole moving thing came about. My son always seemed happy to see me and it was a smooth transition for the most part. Now sometimes, he seems sad when I come to pick him up. He even has cried and said he did not want to go with me. Usually it only happens when his stepmom and stepsisters are there. His stepmom makes it seem like it is a bad thing to go with me by her tone of voice and how she sits and holds him. As soon as we are in the car, he is totally fine. Has anyone else dealt with this type of situation?
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3591
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Your son is only 4 years old. 2 weeks is a long time to go without seeing the other parent. The schedule you had before you moved away allowed him to see his father more.
My suggestion is to move back.
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1315
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Jada is right. More time would help. Do the step kids play with him a lot. He might miss the attention he gets over there. At that age theropy will not get you much either. You might talk to a theropiest about what to look for and what you can do. It is more important to talk to your X about this and so you both have a understanding what is going on. My daughter used to hide her stuffed dog right before it was time to go.
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rooney
New
Reged: 07/01/08
Posts: 18
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The thing is that my son started acting this way as soon as I had informed his dad that I was moving even when he was still seeing him the two nights a week. His dad started telling him that he did not want him to move which I think puts my son in the middle. He also yelled out in front of my son, "Don't forget to hate your mom for me". When I pick him up from the weekend and it is just his dad there, he seems very happy to see me. But if it is his stepmom and other children are there, it is a different story. I think it is just a matter of having fun with the other children and the fact that his stepmom makes the pick up worse than it needs to be. She really makes it seem like it is a bad thing that he has to go with me. Should I confront her about this? Another thing to add is that the every other weekend thing is just a minimal. This visitation schedule is only there in cases for when we cannot agree. I have made it clear to his dad that he can come spend time with him anytime he wants. So far, he has not taken me up on this offer.
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1315
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[quote] "Don't forget to hate your mom for me". [/quote]
I hate my X. I can't stand anything she does. But I would never ever say anything like that in front of my daughter. That is wrong on so many levels. My X told my daughter yesterday to tell her step-mom and step-sister to shut up.
Kids that age are still trying to learn how to deal with there emotions and can pick up on other peoples emotions. If you X is feeling concerned about the move then your son can be picking that up. Especially if his dad is expresing his feelings to your son.
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VexedDad
New
Reged: 06/29/08
Posts: 7
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My son is also 4yo and I know my stbx is coaching him with the same b.s. During our last visitation he told me "Mom said you lied." Before that he said "Mom said you don't know how to marry." There's plenty more where that came from. It is damaging beyond belief, but her rage and thirst for revenge has blinded her to the effects this is having on our kids. Our 10yo daughter is already confused. She has her convinced I am a pathological liar and the girl refused to talk to me and skipped our visitation this week. Fortunately we were able to have a heart to heart during the return exchange with my son and the nanny the next morning, and she will see her child therapist next week. I think things are better now, but I just keep waiting for the next shoe to drop.
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Hanging in there...
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