tracirenne
New
Reged: 05/03/08
Posts: 6
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Here’s my situation…The divorce was final last month…during the year we were separated and going through the divorce, a new girl friend was paraded in and out of my children’s (boys aged 4 & 6) life about every other month. I don’t care whom my ex is screwing around with, but hate how it affects my children. The most recent girlfriend moved in really fast, within 1 month, and has been around for about 5 months now. I've had no real contact with her. We had school open house last week, and my ex called and said he was on the way; I could the GF in the background. I was chatting with a family member at the school and looking for the ex, the family member asked who I was looking for, I said “the ex” and that I heard the GF in the back ground on the phone, I also said “If he walks in with her, it will be like a slap in my face”. My six year old now spent all weekend telling the new GF that I hate her and he hates he that that I want to slap her face. I had not said any of this, I don’t even know her. When my ex dropped the kids off today at my home, the new GF jumped out of the truck and jumped my case for saying that I hate her and that my kids should hate her too. She had the nerve to tell me what I should and shouldn’t say in front of my kids. (At this point I was ready to hit her! But for the sake of my children I never would) I told her that I had NEVER said any of that, and that the only things that are said in front of the kids is about when daddy is coming to pick them up and which weekends they have to go to daddy’s. I told her that I don’t care about her and the ex. She pops off that I should care. I told her “why should I care about a situation that I have no control over.” She goes on to talk about the situation between her, her ex and her ex’s new GF. I told her again “I don’t care. According to all the legal console I have talked to unless my children are in physical harm there is really nothing I can do.” What is the best way to deal with a person, who I really don't know ( I don't even know her name), and how should I approach the situation with my kids. I'm not saying things in front of them, but they seem to be telling how they feel about the GF as if I feel the same way. Any advice on dealing with this situation would be greatly appreciated?
I happen to know that my ex is still very active on his Match.com account, still on the hunt so to speak, so I really don’t see his current GF lasting that long, but who knows...I guess I should be prepared to deal with this one for at least a little longer.
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germangirl631
Platinum
 
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1592
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Advice,
Don't argue with idiots. They will take you down to their level, and then beat you with experience.
Another poster offered this advice to me a few months ago, and I have it taped on my office wall right behind my computer so I can refer to it every day. It's the truth.
You're doing the right thing. Take the high road. Ignore their snide comments. Getting involved in it will only bring more heartache to the situation. And, if this girl doesn't realize that 4 and 6 year olds fabricate all sorts of stories, she's not too bright.
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dramanomore
Platinum
 
Reged: 09/24/08
Posts: 256
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My guess is that your kidlets wanted some way to voice their complete and utter disdain of the new GF, so they did it through a "well mom said."
You could just sit them down and let them talk about how they feel about the new GF and having her introduced into their lives. My guess is they are less than pleased.
She has no real desire to work out an issue, if she did she would not have gone for the big drama confrontation. Instead, it sounds like she wanted a big show down she could relate back to her friends over drinks.
I find in dealing with people like that less words the better. The more you say to her, the more she has to respond too and the more attention she gets.
I would simply say, I am not speaking with you and close the door. It is neither your job or responsibility to make her feel better.
The bottom line is you are not this women's friend or family. You do not owe her an explanation of you or your children's actions.
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