andreadahhling
Silver
Reged: 10/18/06
Posts: 83
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It's been quite some time since I last posted here and in that time a lot of drama has gone on.
My ex husband requested not one, but two paternity tests on my 5 year old twin girls. The tests proved (as I knew they would)
that he was indeed their father.
It's been about 5 months since the tests and after all this he up and decides he wants to sign over his parental rights...which I think is absolutely cruel to do to a child once they have been around you and are of an age older than an infant and will know that all of the sudden you are not around them any more.
I have no problem with him signing over his rights...I can't stand the man.
In addition to this his entire family is now denying knowing me, and any relation to the girls.
In addition to this I am currently in the process of ANOTHER divorce from my current husband (its a long story and its a shame but he has been very dishonest with me for a long time to the point that it destroyed our relationship).
I guess I'm just seeking out some kind of opinion on what to do.
How do I explain to my girls (or should I even explain) that they aren't going to see daddy at all and they wont be seeing very much of their other daddy aside from when he comes to pick up their brother.
All I want for my children is stability but it seems like as soon as life settles down their little world is shaken up again.
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3268
Loc: Florida
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He's not going to be able to terminate his parental rights if there is no one else stepping in such as a step-father adopting...
In regards to telling the kids, there isn't any need to. If he doesn't take them for visitation then you deal with that issue but in no way do you discuss with them that he wants to terminate his parental rights.
As far as his family goes f@ck them, I would simply send a copy of the paternity test and a note telling them they are welcome to see the children if and when they are able to communicate that request with you. If they aren't willing to acknowledge the kids as part of their family there is nothing you can do to MAKE them...and your NOT a part of their family so you need to let that go.
Is there a reason why you wouldn't want your STBX to be involved in your daughters lives outside of him not being the biological father?
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andreadahhling
Silver
Reged: 10/18/06
Posts: 83
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Oh, okay...that's good to know. Though he's still made it clear that he wants absolutely nothing to do with his children so its not good in the way that they still wont see him.
As far as my STBX, no there's no reason i wouldn't want him in their life. I just dont get the vibe that he feels like its appropriate to have a really active roll in their lives after the divorce is final. I'm sure he wouldnt object to having some roll in their lives though just not as frequent but who knows that could change
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3268
Loc: Florida
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If nothing else, I would ask STBX if he's interested in still having a relationship with them...and ask that if he decides at some point that he isn't if he would make it a easier transition by starting to spread out visits or involvement instead of stopping cold turkey.
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Nish
Platinum
Reged: 02/18/07
Posts: 1392
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You can't force him to have parental time with his children, but he won't be able to not pay child support, even if he decides not to visit them.
It may even affect how much child support he must pay, as I believe it is based on the % of time each parent spends with their children. If I am wrong on that assumption, I am sure someone will step forward and correct my incorrect knowledge.
Do you have any idea why he doesn't wish to have parenting with his daughters? As far as his family also not wanting to acknowledge his children, I agree with Mistake....screw them....it just shows what total a$$holes they are.
I hope you have family nearby. They will more than make up for his family "checking" out.
Maybe one day, your stbx will pull his head back out of his a$$ and realize that he wants and needs to be a part of your daughter's lives. Miracles can happen, may it happen for your precious daugthers.
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divorce1
Platinum
Reged: 04/10/07
Posts: 478
Loc: southern state
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This is so close to what I am going through with my ex. He sent a letter saying that no adoption papers would make him concider our 21 year old his daughter. Also that he never wanted another child so I should take our 5 month old son and live my life. His family has nothing to do with either of the children. His first son from his first wife has never seen his brother for fear of his dad rejecting him too.
The new wife I feel is what has changed him to be a worse father than he was before and he was bad enough before.
Do not even concider him relingusing his rights for then he will not have to pay CS. Even though he chooses not to see his children they deserve the financial help in their lives CS can give even if you put it aside for college etc. Him and his family will one day regret their actions or lack of.
The children will be fine if they have yours and your families love. It will not be easy at times but God will help. There are mentoring programs out there also as they grow you can put them in. The big brother big sister program is but one.
Oh my daughter finally got her dad to talk to her but had to put most of the blame on me so he would call her back. That is a long story that is still playing out in my house today. As for son I have still not heard anything.
Good luck on what you decide but do what is best for the children that you have control over and let God handle the rest. This is what I tell myself every day. I still cry over how he is not seeing his children but not over the divorce.
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