Spacer62
Gold
Reged: 11/13/06
Posts: 166
Loc: NJ
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Tomorrow I go to mediation for support, parenting time and custody. I currently have no lawyer and I'm not sure what to really expect. I just don't want him to come in and railroad me. He is already beating me down - trying to make me agree to a lower amount, and who watches the children, etc. Does anyone have any suggestions or input of what I need to make sure I take care of? Any input would be helpful. I am in New Jersey. Thank you.
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ssrachel
Platinum
Reged: 05/23/07
Posts: 2083
Loc: a better place :)
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s-
make sure you log on later. (you're online at home right? if not, call me later, and i can read you some of the responses) some of the better advice givers on this topic will be on later.
is this the initial session that is mandatory? what they call a parenting class?
kat
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What you reap is what you sow and so it goes...
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3494
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Child support is going to be what the guidelines state they are unless you agree to a lower amount.
And guidelines is something that I would stick with.
As for who watches the children, who has done that up to now? Who does he want to watch the kids?
Is there a disagreement on custody?
Here are some of the issues I would address:
Right of first refusal.
Extracurricular activities. Who pays what and how long the other parent has to reimburse the paying parent.
Medical (and I would have braces included in this). Again, who pays what and how the receipts are to be submitted.
Tax exemptions (make sure that it is tied into him being current on all of his financial obligations, including extracurricular activities), who gets which child if more than one, or if one, is it alternate years. If he gets one child, be sure that the net income for child support calculations reflect that.
I would also try to get a very specific parenting plan in place and how switches are handled. Such as, if he needs to switch a week-end, it is done in writing.
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Spacer62
Gold
Reged: 11/13/06
Posts: 166
Loc: NJ
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Thanks for the replys.
Kat-this is the initial meeting with the parenting class. My stress level is through the roof.
Some issues:
I have no problem with the ROFR. But after that he wants to dictate who can watch them and for how long.
He wants me to agree to a lower amount and then even lower once our children are in school full time. I me who even know where we will both be in three years!!
Before going to daycare they were with a friend of the family (four years they were with this women). He does not like her and does not trust her, and now wants
me to agree that the girls only see her at my house while I am here to supervise. I trust her.
It just picky stuff like that. Once he loses his temper its not a pretty sight. I mean when he found out I filed for support he came looking for me. By my house, my gym, my girlfriends house, etc. Who does that????
I just want to be strong tomorrow. I can not allow him to get to me.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3494
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You said:
Some issues:
I have no problem with the ROFR. But after that he wants to dictate who can watch them and for how long.
My response:
If he refuses to take them if you need a babysitter, he doesn't get to dictate who you have watch them or for how long.
You said:
He wants me to agree to a lower amount and then even lower once our children are in school full time. I me who even know where we will both be in three years!!
My response:
He's about to find out that it doesn't work like that. Don't argue with him. Just tell him that you are going to go by state guidelines. You will, of course, accept a higher amount of child support. But you will not accept less. And leave it at that. Let him argue with himself. There are guidelines for a reason.
You said:
Before going to daycare they were with a friend of the family (four years they were with this women). He does not like her and does not trust her, and now wants
me to agree that the girls only see her at my house while I am here to supervise. I trust her.
My response:
Well, he's going to have a hard time changing that considering how long they have been going to the friend. Unless your friend is a convicted sex offender or been convicted of child endangerment, he won't win this one, either.
You said:
It just picky stuff like that. Once he loses his temper its not a pretty sight. I mean when he found out I filed for support he came looking for me. By my house, my gym, my girlfriends house, etc. Who does that????
My response:
Somebody that you need to be very careful around. Seriously, whenever you have to meet him (even for exchanging the children), bring a witness with you.
You said:
I just want to be strong tomorrow. I can not allow him to get to me.
My response:
Is what he wants in the kids' best interest? From what you have posted, he isn't even thinking about the kids. He's just thinking of ways to screw you. Remind yourself of that. Make a list of what you won't budge on (child support being guidelines would be one of them, your friend providing childcare being another), what you would like, and what you don't really care about. And refer to that list and see where any offer he has falls on that list.
Edited by Jada (05/15/08 11:36 PM)
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Spacer62
Gold
Reged: 11/13/06
Posts: 166
Loc: NJ
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Thank you Jada - you have put a huge smile on my face.
Your right its all about him. On his free weekends he is off and running. I do not bother him at all unless the children are hurt. But on my weekends he likes keeping tabs on me making sure I am not moving on with my life. I answer the phone only because my kids are with him. Maybe I should now just let it go to voicemail. Hey, if its important, he'll leave a message.
It nice to be reassured that I am not the one with issues.
He told me that if I do not agree with everything he wants he will battle me in court for every little issue and cost me tons of money.
I now say - bring it on!!!! I am ready to fight for my children.
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melanie14
Platinum
Reged: 03/11/06
Posts: 3058
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Yes, go with the guideline for support. Have you filled out an Income and Expense Sheet. Don't lie, but make sure you put in good numbers, the kids get to be more and more expensive as they grow up..trust me! Daycare expenses will be how much longer. And make sure that the daycare expense is a separate issue...NOT PART OF CHILD SUPPORT. Because once daycare is done other expenses will start to incur, such as sports, school activities, camps, GAS driving them all over, driver's training..all sorts of stuff that change as they get older.
As far as custody, think ahead when they enter school, winter and spring breaks, three day weekends, birthdays, holidays..switching every other year or splitting the days seems to work. Be cooperative but don't give anything away.
By the way, how many children and how old?
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Spacer62
Gold
Reged: 11/13/06
Posts: 166
Loc: NJ
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I did complete the sheet(at least I think I did!) Also had to show proof of income when I completed all the paperwork.
Thanks for the tip about day care, and I never even thought about summer camp for when they do go to school full time.
I have been on the NJ child support web site and there is a calculator, so I am pretty sure what the support number will be. On the site they ask for the day care cost so I assume that is factored into the amount. But who knows.
Two girls - 3&5.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3494
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[quote]Yes, go with the guideline for support. Have you filled out an Income and Expense Sheet. Don't lie, but make sure you put in good numbers, the kids get to be more and more expensive as they grow up..trust me! Daycare expenses will be how much longer. And make sure that the daycare expense is a separate issue...NOT PART OF CHILD SUPPORT. Because once daycare is done other expenses will start to incur, such as sports, school activities, camps, GAS driving them all over, driver's training..all sorts of stuff that change as they get older.
As far as custody, think ahead when they enter school, winter and spring breaks, three day weekends, birthdays, holidays..switching every other year or splitting the days seems to work. Be cooperative but don't give anything away.
By the way, how many children and how old? [/quote]
She most definitely wants childcare added onto child support. This way it can be automatically garnished from his wages, just like child support.
The extracurricular activities that you mentioned need to be addressed separately and are completely separate from childcare costs and child support.
My child support is higher because the chilcare costs are added on to it. Once they are gone, the child support will go down by the amount that my ex is paying for childcare.
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melanie14
Platinum
Reged: 03/11/06
Posts: 3058
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make sure you ask about it. It's okay to ask questions! you got a lot of good advice. Are you feeling more confident? And what are you going to wear?
Two girls, make sure you go for the gusto. l6 year olds don't shop at walmart or Target..bathing suits alone can be $50 and up!!!! And jeans and shoes...crazy! Good luck tomorrow and don't let him bully you! What is your current visitation plan and how long has that been going on?
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