1227
Gold
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 195
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I am a stepmom with a great heart. My husband and I have 3 kids of our own.
Step child is now 18 btw they were never married mid teens when they had child. He never had joint custody just vis and child support. He can not even get transcripts.
Support was to have ended a few months ago and now mom has filed for College, Wks after 18th bday. Can this be? We live in IL.
I can see in families with great income, but not the avg family. we rarely see the kid for the last 8yrs and relationship is really bad with parents.
Child support modifications nor original never said anything about college. has anyone ever had anything like this? Lots of turmoil I may leave my husband bc I can not take paying out anymore, my children and I suffer. For sure if we have to pay my kids and I are out of here bc I have to save for them and provide for them BEST I can, not to mention it seems as kids from single parents make out best.
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1227
Gold
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 195
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By the way neither parent has a college education.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5162
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supporting two households with no more income will not change anything other than that you'll have LESS money to get by on & it won't change his responsibility to his first child. You have some significant reasons why he should not be required to pay for college, but I don't know if the process in Illinios allows for college funds to be asked in the way she is asking for them. ONly a lawyer can tell you... or a judge. But if he goes to the judge without knowing what he needs to say to prevent this from happening, he'll have not much of a chance.
Good luck.
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1227
Gold
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 195
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thanks! Lawyer wonders how she was able to and wonders if she is able to jump through some loop. He says he has never seen it be done after 18th bday and says to wait till court date.
My issue is that if I have to leave him I want to leave him b4 this goes any further. I want to get the most for my kids. If they get their $$$ 1st then I get less and honestly I have 3 that have not had a chance at life yet. my three kids are extremely bright. My older 2 are in great exceeding schools and doing GREAT!!! they need a chance a life.
Basically, his first child was in danger of failing in poor schools at some points.
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2292
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Illinois does have provisions for allocated expenses for post-secondary education . It is totally up to the discretion of the presiding judge .
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5162
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When you talk about leaving him, remember they're "our" kids (in regards to him), and even if you could figure out a way to get blood from a stone (find a way to get a judge to make him pay more to you than he has to pay), you are depriving them of his presence in their household. Part of the reason your children are so advanced is that they had both of you working in partnership. This idea you have of leaving him to somehow preserve YOUR children's right to HIS money is ... well, not financially sound. Heck, even if you got a divorced woman's dream settlement, and had him living in a studio apartment in a bad area of town while sending the remainder of his salary to you to support you as you see fit, the COST of the studio apartment would probably eat up the money you might get out of him this way. It's not a smart choice.
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1227
Gold
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 195
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Is it a certain criteria though? I understand that, but is that for the professional divorced parent. Honestly, my parents were both professional and married, not to mention well to do and I paid for college. We still have bills from his attempt at a degree which he started when he met me.
From what I have read it depends on if the kid would have gone to college had they been married today. Parents degree of education is to matter or that just a verbiage? how does that stick? The short answer is ABSOLUTELY not mom never intended till she found that IL did have this provision.
I guess my issue is that we had offer to HELP, but it is different when it filled in court. Now instead of doing it from the goodness of our heart we will be mandated. Mind you I am the primary income winner in my home.
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1227
Gold
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 195
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My logic is that he will have less income for them to ask for. If he needs to pay child support for 3 kids Obvious my judgment needs to be entered 1st.
I would want everything to be civil and not take him to the cleaners so he maintains a good relationship with our kids.
I agree our kids are advantaged because their parents are together and have put much attention on their education, but mind you I drive 45minutes to their school everyday bc the schools in our area our bad and I spend it tutoring them. I also spend all their waking time working with them. I do not touch housework till my kids are asleep, which typically leaves me about 3hrs a sleep at night.
Like I said I worked for my education and my parents were well off so I appreciate the value. My education was funded by scholarships and I worked FULL time for most of it. At times I also worked a part-time job at 5am till I went to school, and when to full-time job after class. I also did consulting and I had no such things as a WEEKEND off which was also a very sore subject. At one point they attempted to cut visitation bc I was unavailable to cook dinner at ALL visitation or my schedule was unpredictable. My home was never good enough bc we had a 1bedrm apt. All this we also had to legally fight including a mediator.
I was married for 3yrs of it and had a 1yr old when I graduated. Mind you still paid child support and took care of stepchild on visitations etc. Yes, I received a bachelors and started on my masters until I found a job opportunity I could not pass up. Honestly company would pay for it however I do not want to take my time away from my kids. Difficulties getting through school I understand, but it made me appreciate what I have and not want to give it up to someone who obviously could not care less about her father and 1/2 siblings. She has this arrogance that I owe her bc I married her father. That she is entitled to what I earn.
Mind you my eldest child refused to call this 18yr old for bday etc due to the mistreatment for yrs and the lack of relationship in the last 2yrs. I would love to take blame for that, but I know that I have done more then I should have ever. The kid will even admit to that as well as the mother, but they LOVE free money.
Very upset and feel taken advantage of. I postponed a lot for this child. Mind you this is teh 1st yr my children remember taking a vacation bc we did w/out when we had no $$$$ (remember after school I had to also pay for accumulated debt) This is the 1st time in our marriage my husband and I are ahead and started enjoying life, I guess if I have to give it up I do not want to give it to this child. Somehow we need to have case or I have to split.
Am I being sour or selfish? Unreasonable?
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2292
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Unlike child support, the parents' contribution to college expenses is not dictated by a formula or guideline spelled out in the law – it is left to the discretion of the judge.The court must consider many factors – including the income and assets of both parents and the financial resources available to the child, as well as the child's academic performance (good grades tend to get more money, poor grades tend to get less) and the standard of living the child would have enjoyed had the parents not divorced.The court may even consider the income of a second spouse and the expenses of a second family as well as the payment or receipt of maintenance (alimony) in making its determination.There is no requirement that judges are restricted to a financial limit equal to the expenses of a state university education. There also is no specific restriction on the type of school that the child may attend. The law covers a "college education or professional or other training,"and that has been held to include trade schools. Some courses of training, however, won't qualify in all circumstances: DeVry Institute of Technology qualified in one case as "an education at the college or university level," but the "Automotive and Diesel College" did not qualify as part of the "college and professional education expenses of the children."The duration of the education is limited, but only in the most broad sense.
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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MakeItRight
Silver
Reged: 05/04/07
Posts: 59
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1227,
Now that you have your answer, which is the judge can determine what amount he has to pay based on his income, the child's mom's income and maybe yours and the mom's spouse's income, you really need to consider whether you are making a rational decision to leave your husband. It's not like you didn't know he had a child when you married him, right? To decide to leave him simply because he might have to pay out some money towards his child's post high school education...seems to me very unreasonable and utterly unfair to him.
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