redneck_women
Bronze
Reged: 09/08/06
Posts: 33
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my 8 yr old daughter came home a few weeks ago telling me that her step mom has told her that she's going to come to my house and kill me right in front of my daughter, she's going to make all F's in school, i was gonna talk her into dropping out of school, i was going to let her take a gunu to school and kill everyone, that it was going to be on her permanent record that she's a lier like her mother, and they have been letting her older sister hit on her and her arms have been coming home sore because of this. I have talked with my lawyer and he said that this was abuse and i needed to file a report with CPS and then wait to see what they say about it. My daugter is scared to go back to her dads because she's afraid of what might happen to her. She(my daughter) has also told me that she doesn't want to go back she just wants to talk to him on the phone and email him, but with the courts saying i have to send her and me doing so because of the courts i feel like a bad mother knowing this is going on and sending her. but in order for me to get him out of her life i have to follow what the courts say and go by the law. what else should i do to have this taken care of and be able to get my daughter what she wants? she's a smart girl and i believe her on this 100%. i feel in a case like this she should be able to make that decision on her own regardless of what the courts say. well with her being so smart i feel she knows what she wants out of life.
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sadly
New
Reged: 08/17/07
Posts: 7
Loc: Indiana,
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I am not a professional in this catagory but I do work for insource for special needs children and they can become emotionally handicapped by such abuse, CPS sometimes takes a while to actually do anything, I would have her talk to a school counselor or maybe a minister from the church. She needs to let someone other that you know what is going on so that you have a witness that can stand by you. Have you tried talking to the father?
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5162
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Be careful about taking the reoprt of an 8 year old at face value, no matter HOW smart she is. Report it to CPS and tell your ex that your daughter reported this very strange series of things that seem to have scared her. I mean, it's VERY strange. Guns & threats & such? Suggesting to your 8 year old that the 8 year old has bruises from sources that the 8 year old will know whether or not it's true? WHAT? like that teh stepmother is telling the kid that she's going to file false complaints against you? Or she's going to hurt the child?
Your ex & CPS and even the stepmother need to know what the child is reporting. The stepmother might choose NOT to see the child rather than get false accusations against her. The father might confront the woman to find out if it's true, the kid might need therapy whether or NOT she's telling the whole story.
It just is such a strange story, something is missing or reported wrongly or something.
Something is up that is much more than the face value of what you have heard, so be VERY careful of what you accuse the new wife of.
Most likely part of it is accurate and wrong for the woman to do, part of it is a mistaken belief by the kid who needs to be corrected on what was said, and part of it is a complete fabrication that arrived because you're getting a second hand report of what was said and you did not personally witness this. The reason I believe this is because it's just insane, that she would say to the child that you hurt the child and that there were bruises on ehr. If the child knew there were no bruises on her an dthe child knew that you did not hurt her, then it's pretty clear that ... well, it's just strange.
Be very careful. Report it to everyone, and then let THEM deal with it. In the meantime, don't let an 8 year old dictate terms of vistiation, ever. Report her desire to the judge & get an official change, get a guardian ad litem for her, report the stepmother to the police for making threats... but ...
some of that stuff is just weird. Something is not right about someone... either the stepmother is insane or your daughter is trying to manipulate things and in her own childlike way is not doing the best job of it.
Be careful.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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Yes, very strange. You should report it objectively. Be careful.
Did this just come out of the blue or have there been other indications of stress?
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redneck_women
Bronze
Reged: 09/08/06
Posts: 33
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she's has begged me not to talk with her father about this and that's why i went to my lawyer first in fear of what they may do or say the next time she has to go back.
Edited by redneck_women (09/26/07 05:02 PM)
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redneck_women
Bronze
Reged: 09/08/06
Posts: 33
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yes there has been other stress matters concerning her father and step mother and i have had her in counciling for that but her father refused to come in and talk to the councilor about the situation at hand. my 8 yr old daughter isn't even around any with a gun and no one i know ever talks about using a gun so my question would be where did she come up with that idea? it scares me more for her sake just b/c i can see the fear in her face when she talks about it. i have went and talked with CPS and the only thing he said he could at this point is talk with her father and her stepmother and tell her stepmother to knock it off and said if anything else was said then we are to report that to him anad the lawyer. i just hate having to put my daughter in this possion b/c i know it's hurting her inside and until the lawyer and the judges and CPS say other wise i hae to send the poor child. i hate having to do that.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5162
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Something is strange. Some kids will beg their parents not to look into their complaints because they realize that the parent will realize the complaint is exaggerated. So to be safe, report it to authorities who will have responsibility for terminating his parental rights and enforcing therapy and supervised visitation if it turns out her reports are accurate.
If you recall a number of years ago there were some daycare providers who were practically crucified because some parents reported that the kids had come home and accused the providers of abuse. All kinds of nasty things were said about the caregivers & they were prosecuted. As it turns out, the parents had suggested things to the therapists who had suggested things to the kids who had talked to each other, it all got confused & complicated and kids who'd been abused by parents or uncles would blame it on the daycare people because... well, it was easy, everyone was wanting the daycare providers to be successfully prosecuted. And they were.
But later it turned out that it had all been fabricated... I mean, not all of it... some of it was kids reporting that they'd been abused, but falsely pointing the finger at someone who couldn't hurt them, the daycare givers rather than their parents, for example...
the case caused a huge uproar in the therapy community as well as in the legal community, suggesting that to rely upon parents as reporters of the accusations was not reliable, that to send the kids to therapists who were directing therapy rather than skilled interviewers who could handle an UN-directed interview in a skilled and therapeutic was, was wrong. There are now protocols on how to handle a report from a kid of someone who did something wrong to them, and it does NOT involve having the kid confront teh person who did the wrong. It does NOT involve having a divorced parent listen to the whole thing & report it.
As I heard this morning from a neutral third party, when a mother complained that "the kids tell me that they want to stay with me"... the neutral third party said, "OF COURSE they told you that. You're the mother and they know you want to hear that. They'd tell their Dad that, too if they thought it would make him happy. That is not important that they tell that other than that it's clear they love you & want you to be happy."
This from an outsider who knew nothing other than waht the mother was saying.
Please be VERy careful. Do not take what you've heard and decide to terminte his parenting time without reporting it (which is what it sounds like what you intend to do). If you do that, EVEN IF her reports are completely accurate and the stepmother is insane, you will look like the bad guy here and you might be ordered to provide them to the father ... and at THAT point the father will have heard what you are accusign his wife of, in a rather nasty way, and it will NOT go well for you.
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redneck_women
Bronze
Reged: 09/08/06
Posts: 33
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I ihave reported it and the only thing i was told is that the CPS was going to tell the stepmother to knock it off and that if things are still being said then my daughter was to tell me and i was to tell them and my lawyer. he also said that if i want visitaionss altered then i need to have my lawyer do that.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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This is good. Take it one step at a time. Try to be patient. Unfortunately it is often the case that something bad has to happen before CPS will step in. But having reported it means they're poised step in immediately rather than needing wait for a second bad thing to happen.
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redneck_women
Bronze
Reged: 09/08/06
Posts: 33
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I would like to thank everyone in helping me stay calm about this and helping me by talking about it so i don't blow once again thank you and i will keep talking about it until i hear further info on it.
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