Divorce Support Forums: She's going to scr*w me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!

Don't let JBar scare you. He doesn't know what he's talking about & has made it his mission to scare as many men as possible about the laws, whether or not his claims are true, so that they'll support him in some OTHER thing he's got going involving a campaign against community property which he thinks (but is probably wrong about) will save him if he can get it passed... though he's not started even the most basic process of getting it passed, which would involve actually drafting it & presenting it to a legislator who takes it on as their bill to support.

In other words, JBar seems to be kind of a narcissistic nutcase who unfortunately runs around screaming "the sky is falling", and then might scare decent guys like you into doing the wrong thing.

I can't figure out why you would have been ducking service of process from your wife. Being divorced is a WHOLE lot better than being separated & financially tied to an untrustworthy person, for certain! You want to counter-petition to make a claim that she is pregnant by another man, and abandonment (both are claims allowed in Oklahoma due to "fault", and because of the nature of that first one, they may let you go ahead & get a divorce before the birth of the child, knowing it's not yours).

SHe may admit that it's not yours & name a different father, or she may deny it & require a DNA test, either way, you're golden. The idea is that you CAN NOT DUCK THIS, the way you might be tempted to with JBar's advice. Men who try to duck out of dealing with this stuff out of fear of becoming responsible for a kid that's not theirs, might actually become responsible for the kid because they have not properly contested it in a timely manner.

You MUST do this in a timely way, and not let this just go forward without you. Ducking service of process is the LAST thing you should be doing in this situation, you should be EAGER to get it going, don't rush into signing off on something before you understand what it's all about, but most certainly don't try to avoid process, or avoid court, or run from this. If you run & they go forward without you giving them the proper information, they're likely to make you responsible for this kid, and without your contesting it, you could end up responsible forever.

THe stories you may have heard about men who end up paying support for kids who aren't thier own, generally, these stories don't tell you that the men didn't show up in court to say that the kid wasn't theirs, changed their address without tellign the court so they weren't aware of hearings, agreed to waive the right to a DNA test early on and then found out 15 years later that that precious little girl they were so sure was theirs, was not. Once the kid is 15 years old, you can be sure the court is not going to let you ditch him or her. (the same with 14, 13, 12... you're safest getting a DNA test the moment this kid is born... in your situation).

Don't let anyone scare you into trying to pull some fast one, tactic-wise, because that's a sure path to losing this. The ones who lost, were the ones who didn't take the right steps to make it right.

So do this right. Take the papers, respond, accuse her of becoming pregnant with a child not your own, ask for a DNA test.

And contrary to JerseyGirl, I don't know why the courts wouldn't allow a divorce if you're sure the kid is not your own. And if she admits it. It's not NECESSARY to wait till a kid is born to finalize the divorce. Just... well, in cases where there are no kids yet & this will be the first, awaiting the ability to implement a parenting plan will be an issue, but in a case where there are already otehr kids, I've seen the court simply slide a new one (born after divorce) into the same parenting plan with just a new support calculation being done... and in cases like yours (we hope) where all parties agree this is not your kid (we have to hope she'll admit not being with you, because if she doesn't, she'll be proven to be a sl... once the DNA test shows that the kid is not yours, because she'll have insisted that she slept with 2 different men and wasn't CERTAIN of who the father was, which I think is a worse thing to admit than simply admitting that you're separated from your husband & moved on without finalizing the divorce, you know?

But you wont' know if she does the reasonable thing until you TALK to her & ask what's up. Don't assume she's intending to makek you pay for a child hwo is not your own.... (she pretty much can't do that if you contest it soon enough), and don't assume that there's something wrong with you accepting service of process and going through with the paperwork of getting this done. Don't assume the worst when you don't really know her intent.

Her intent might JUST be to get rid of you so she can move on. And for you that would be a great thing...