wellthissucks
New
Reged: 09/02/07
Posts: 3
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first let me say how are those words "im not happy" grounds for separation? WHY isnt he happy is it possible he doesnt know himself? he says he does not want a divorce and he des not want to file for a legal separation but he doesnt want to be together...am i missing something? in the state of NC you must be separated a year before you file for divorce we have lived apart 2 months as a geographical separation because of his training scheduele so according to military one source thats not separation that qualifies toward divorce. we have been married 16 months and most of it was great and now all of a sudden he says its not me its him, his career, he isnt ready to be married and he has too much going on and ect. someone please help me understand whats going on in the mind of this man.
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Sarah1014
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2348
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Irregardless of his reasons, he isn't happy. Have you gone to counseling?
If he is an unwilling participant, you may have to chuck the marriage.
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Only14U
Platinum
Reged: 08/17/07
Posts: 296
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I agree with Sarah. It sounds like you guys should give counseling a try. You are right, it doesn't make sence. If he is not happy, then he should be considering divorce, but he is not. Maybe is something he needs to deal with. He's not happy because of you, but because of him.
I would really recomend you see a counselor. Both of you would be best, but if he doen't want to you should go. It will do you some good.
Now... About understanding guys... I guess it is one of those things we will die without knowing the answer to. They are just so complicated!
~Good Luck!
Vanessa
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~Vanessa.
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stoltz
Platinum
Reged: 01/29/07
Posts: 1493
Loc: Texas
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END IT
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5138
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"I'm not happy" is the marital equivelent of, "you're a nice guy & all, but I'm not ready for a relationship right now" when youre dating. that phrase makes a whole lot of guys think that women prefer bad guys over nice guys, because we're always so full of telling them what nice guys they are when we break up with them... And we say, "it's not you, it's me".
When we're certain it's over, and we don't want to discuss it (for whatever reasons), we say these things. It doesn't mean we don't know our own minds (and it's kind of disrespectful for the one being broken up with to suggest this), it simply means we don't see the point of the discussion. It won't make you feel any better, and it won't change thier minds ... and ... well, maybe he's found someone else & it's just not worth the argument. It's not worth your trying to figure out if he's got another girl... that would just hurt you if you found out, one way or the other, and he probably won't tell the truth if you do ask flat out, just becuase at this point he feels it's over & you don't have the right to comment any more.
It'd have been a whole lot nicer if he thought this through like 20 months ago BEFORE the marriage, but whatever happened, he moved on in his mind & it's not worth it to him to discuss it with you.
In other words. It's over. I"m sorry. it hurts, but he was not good enough for you if he couldn't keep it together for a few months' separation and try to work it through. You deserve someone who values marriage enough to work on it. You'll find that person. This one is not him. Get the paperwork on this one finished & you'll be able to move on & find someone who IS willing to work on things.
I'm sorry. I know iti hurts. You'll probably never find out what's really going on in his head.
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wellthissucks
New
Reged: 09/02/07
Posts: 3
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yea i think you summed it up for me. ive been trying my very hardest to "get over it" and well thats not working! maybe because when i said i do and i commiyed myself to this man for eternmilty i guess i never saw this day coming. byt then again maybe neither did he. ive tried blaming it on his professiona nd i know that has some to do with it, and i know my child has some to do with it and i know im NOT by far the easiest person to let shit go, but why is it so hard to move on when you cant get closure? i would give anything to brush this off chuck it up to experience and drive on, but those vows replay in my head and what i meant by them and Jesus its just impossible to stop thinking about. i dream more about my husband now then i ever did, and let me tell you when morning comes im a disaster! anyway though done mean to ramble on thank you all so much for helping me to see that i desrve someone who means his vows the way i do. night all!
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5138
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Getting "closure"... hmmm... that's a puzzle. It's a toughie to get "closure" if what your'e expecting is a heart to heart with a man who can't do that.
Let me think on this, and ask the rest of the crew here... how DO you get "closure" when it's just dropped with no explanation?
I wonder if going through the motions of getting it over with will bring some form of closure...
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J2H
New
Reged: 09/04/08
Posts: 8
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Thats what my wife gave me when we decided it wasnt working... good enough for me, things weren't getting any better.
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