imamrs2
Silver
Reged: 08/18/06
Posts: 95
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My husband and I got a big surprise. We are pregnant with our fourth. We always wait until at least 12 weeks to tell folks. We waited until I was closer to 15 to share the news. My husband did not want to email his son with the news, and despite calling he hasn't talked with him in nearly two months. So, dear MIL took upon herself to tell stepson the news. He is upset his father did not tell him and the ex is not pleased as well. We didn't ask MIL to share the joy (btw she emailed him). Now, the stepson refuses to communicate with his Dad. Why can't people just mind their own business?
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jano
Platinum
Reged: 12/20/06
Posts: 719
Loc: south carolina
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Wow How old is the son?
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imamrs2
Silver
Reged: 08/18/06
Posts: 95
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He is 13. Communication between father and son has been strained for a few years now. This doesn't help. MIL had no right to tell him.
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Sarah1014
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2354
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MIL was absolutely out of line to tell the son. I have a sister who cannot keep her mouth shut and did the same thing. She ended up almost getting ex-communicated from the mother to be (who was my other sister).
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jano
Platinum
Reged: 12/20/06
Posts: 719
Loc: south carolina
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I just have to keep reminding myself that I am not in charge of another adults behavior. It's hard when someone oversteps their bounds.
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JoJo82
New
Reged: 05/22/06
Posts: 20
Loc: Illinois
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That is not cool that your MIL said something..it's not her business. I know when I found out we were expecting I waited till about 12 weeks and started showing to tell my man's girls. They took it great...I hope that your step-son comes around
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imamrs2
Silver
Reged: 08/18/06
Posts: 95
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When my husband told his parents about the new addition, MIL asked if he had spoken to step-son about the baby. My husband said no, that when he called stepson was either not home, or no one answered. He said he didn't want to email because news like this should be told in person or on the phone. He said as soon as he could reach him he would tell stepson. So, why she took it upon herself to tell the child by email is beyond us. MIL doesn't realize she causes more hurt than good when she pulls a stunt like this.
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hppyliah
Platinum
Reged: 06/05/06
Posts: 219
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I would say that he has a right and should indeed talk to his Mom. That was very rude and what is she up to- why would she put the child in that position- when she knew the father didn't tell him yet. Wow, I have a MIL that has done some overstepping, but that is something else. Takes the cake. I would be so frustrated. Call the boy and tell him what happened. I would try- have your MIL call and say it was her fault...something.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5169
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MIL ABSOLUTELY realizes that when she pulls a stunt like this it causes more harm than good. If I may pull a few things together that I've seen on other threads from you... she didn't like ex until after the divorce. She now likes ex as the "mother of her grandson" and doesn't much like you or the OTHER three grandchildren you've already provided her with... at least not as much as the FIRST family. She seems to thrive on conflict with her son's family... I may be over-stating it, but she has taken it upon herself to oppose you in your own house against your stepson, IN FRONT of your stepson.
And she has now hurt your stepson's relationship with his father becasue she beleived her own opinion about how to tell the kid about his new step-sibling to be... it's gone beyond defying YOU, but she is NOW running HIM. She thinks she has the right to comment about how you & he make decisions in your household. It's time to end the position in your household which allows her to think this. It's sad, but it has to happen. She no longer has the right to the insider information about you, your plans, your baby.
Heck, if your husband switched jobs to bring him closer to stepson's home & had more time with him, and wanted to tell stepson in person, your MIL would call the ex, give her the news, and give her time to SPIN it with your stepson so that it somehow would sound like your husband was doing a WRONG thing by moving.
Your MIL is wrong about this & about a few other things that you've reported her doing. It's good that your husband defends you to her when he catches her at her antics, but this stuff about spilling the beans about your pregnancy in outright defiance of your plans is too far. Cut her out. Make her a visitor in your house, with no more priveleges than a favorite neighbor, the kids' teacher, or other FAVORITE visitor. But she no longer deserves a say in anything involving your family.
Someday, after she learns her place, maybe she can be invited back to just hang out & be part of the family, but for now. no.
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3268
Loc: Florida
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Last summer I had a similar situation. Pregnant with my fourth and we wanted to wait until my son (11 years then) was back from visitation to tell him the news. Well my nephew (who wasn't supposed to know either, which is another story) decided to start teasing him about it. So he was upset and I was upset. It took a lot of talking to finally smooth things over as far as having him understand that we weren't keeping it from him but wanted to tell him and the other kids in "our time" and ourselves.
A year later, it is all water under the bridge and we have a five month old baby girl.
It takes communication. I apologized for him having to hear it from someone else but not for my decision on waiting to tell him myself. You can own the part that your responsible for but you don't own responsibility for someone else taking it into their hands.
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