eiram
Gold
Reged: 06/23/08
Posts: 102
Loc: Indiana
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i am remarried and my 2 older children are the "step" children in this family (my youngest is biological).
i have tried hard to make sure that my children all feel equal in my house. i am a step child also and my mom, step-dad, step-grandparents always made me and my sister feel as though we have always been apart of that family. (i don't even call them step...he is my dad and they are my grandparents)
when ever my MIL or SIL calls the house, they always ask about the little guy, not my 2 older children. since i am an outspoken person, i always add, the other 2 are doing great also. i have asked my hubs to talk to his mom and sister about it, cause it makes the kids feel left out. my hubs thought is, if you ignore it...it will go away. that is not good enough for me. why can't he stand up to his family and say...they are a package deal...all 3 or none? it frustrated me so.
here are other things they have done (which i was told was not intentional)....family pics of the whole family, MIL, FIL, SIL her hubs and baby, me, my hubs and all 3 kids. MIL insisted that she get a pic of her with my youngest and SIL's baby...as my older 2 watched...this is also the same picture event that MIL bought everyone red shirts and she bought me a black sweater with tan, white and red diamonds on it...can you say i'm the black sheep of the family?
SIL bought MIL a quilt of the family tree with MIL and FIL...hubs and me and youngest...SIL her hubs and baby. i confronted her about it and she said she wanted to do the biological family. are you f'ing kidding me.
anyone else been through anything like this? what did you do? what would you do if you were in my shoes?
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to my ex - what goes around, comes around. you'll get yours...
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3491
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You can't make them accept your older two.
What you can do is limit the contact they have with all of your kids.
They may not like it, but you have to do what is best for all of your kids, not just the one that they want.
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2297
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You can do whatever you wish , you CAN'T expect anyone else to act as you do .
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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fairlady
Bronze
Reged: 09/08/08
Posts: 45
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I go through the same thing in my extended family . 3 older kids , former marriage . 2 with current husband . My mother in law always buys for the younger 2 . And not for the older . I have told my husband to handle this w/ her as she is his mother . If it doesn't get handled that way . Then I limit contact . Which doesn't help anyone . I have told my new family that if they can't afford to buy for the 5 girls . Then that is fine as far as Christmas and such goes . We don't expect for anyone to be able to buy for 5 kiddos as we hardly can ... LOL .
And we do understand that all 5 kiddos can't just go and stay the night all at once . But if a certain few go one weekend . Then the others should be able to go another .
These are your children . And if they aren't treated fairly then stand up and say so . Tell the family how this makes the children feel . And if they don't see your reasoning ... Then their loss . Don't attend family functions that could quite possibly make your children feel left out . Like for Christmas I go to my family . As all the girls are biologically related and are all treated fairly . Thanksgiving we head to my husbands family . Hoped this helped . My girls are all close . And I be damned if anyone tries to make a split of importance from one to the other ...
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3267
Loc: Florida
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I am with the poster that stated you can't MAKE them accept your older children.
You can however make them a package deal.
You stated that you confronted them on the quilt and they said they wanted biological..."my children are biologically mine, ALL of them" would have been my response.
I would tell them one time only...that the children will be treated equally, period and whatever that means for them from here on out is up to them. If they call to talk to the littlest one, tell them that he will be available in 10 minutes just after they speak to the other two...if they invite littlest one somewhere, ask specifically if the others are welcome or when it's their turn...if they balk then remind of equality and tell them littlest one is not available then.
It's a harsh way to do it if you really don't want to push their buttons, but you can either stew about it privately (and vent here) or keep trying different ways.
My ex in-laws didn't want anything to do with ANY of my ex's and I's children, doted on his brothers though...didn't understand it but there wasn't anything I could do about it either.
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