Ellen Inez
Bronze
Reged: 08/28/06
Posts: 30
Loc: WV
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My husband and I have been married for five years. Five days before our second child was born, he decides that he wants to leave...the only reason he could give being (at that time) that he wanted to be able to do what he wanted when he wanted (although he already did that during our marriage) without being judged. Naturally, I looked for answers...I've always had his email [censored], so I checked his [censored] and found an email from a woman he works with saying she'd "missed him alot" and "I'll be thinking of you..." so I called both him AND her to find out what was going on. Nothing other than she "has a crush" on him and thought he had one on her. That night he left me, 9 days after our son was born. The only reason he can give me that it won't work is that he doesn't love me, and supposedly hasn't loved me for the last 3 years (which makes no sense, because he was extra clingy right before this happened). He's got the papers and is filing for divorce. I've been devastated, and until a month ago, hadn't yelled at or cussed him at all, because I thought we could work it out. After he kept saying that he didn't want to work it out, he didn't want to come back, I finally started venting on him. Personally, I feel he deserves it, after everything I've done for him. He got mad at me when he found out I had seen a lawyer, and is now telling me that HIS lawyer says he can get joint custody, even though he has trouble paying his bills and has no stove or washer or dryer, and is living in the house his parents own but don't live in (which they've already kicked him out of once, while we were married and living there), and that if he GETS joint custody, I'd have to pay HIM child support since I make more money than he does. He's threatened me that if he has to get a lawyer he's going to get everything he can out of me. He's mad because I told him (before the blackmail started) that I wasn't going to sign, he was going to have to wait a year. I need help/advice. I go see my lawyer again tomorrow to find out what she says. I'm just so torn up about this...I never would've thought he'd be like this. All I've done to him since this happened is yell, telling him how hurt I am, how wrong this is, and that I wouldn't sign papers. I have done NOTHING vindictive, although I very easily could. I've let him see the kids any time he's wanted to since he left. I think I've been more than patient and understanding, and he's blackmailing me now. Help!
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dmc
Platinum
Reged: 06/28/06
Posts: 2942
Loc: Pennsylvania
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I wish I knew what happens to these people who all of a sudden "just don't love you anymore." Same thing happened to me and when I told his children all of the things he said, they thought he lost his mind. Do what you have to and it will all work out.
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Donna
Touching Someone's Heart for a Mere Second Can Touch Their Soul for a Lifetime.
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3136
Loc: Florida
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Their not going to give over physical custody of an infant to the father if you are not an unfit mother.
Joint custody is more of a legal term giving both mother & father say in medical issues. Most people work it to be joint custody with physical/custodial custody to the mother & visitation for the father. In this case the non-custodial parent (this scenario the father) would have to pay the custodial parent child support which is based on both incomes and usually a state guideline formula & then childcare is figured in if it's needed.
Save yourself some effort, strength & frustration by trying not to keep having these yelling arguments with him. He's a louse, even if he knows it he's going to deny it.
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**2 1/2 weeks to go...should start counting down the days**
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Ellen Inez
Bronze
Reged: 08/28/06
Posts: 30
Loc: WV
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Thanks...I know, it's more effort than it's worth to fight with him. He just gets so snide with me, and I let him get under my skin...it's hard to remember that that's what he's TRYING to do. I'm anxious to see the lawyer today...I'm hoping she can alleviate some of my worries.
I just don't understand what happened...his entire personality has changed. He's even gone from being a church-going person to professing to be an atheist now. I just don't understand at all.
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Ellen Inez
Bronze
Reged: 08/28/06
Posts: 30
Loc: WV
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Well, I didn't exactly get the comfort I'd hoped for. She told me that if the judge went by the criteria that's supposed to be used, I would get custody due to the children's ages and the fact that I was the caretaker before the separation. However, she also said that the judge doesn't always use those criteria, even though it's supposed to be used. She also figured up that if he does push it, I could wind up paying him a very minimal amount of child support (somewhere in the neighborhood of $25/month)...nothing really worth him pushing the issue. I just don't know what to do. I don't know whether to fight the custody issue or not. I don't know if the outcome will be worth the fight.
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tookway2much
Platinum
Reged: 03/31/08
Posts: 626
Loc: Going toward the light!
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Hold your head up high Girlfriend, This old WV girl has your back. He is telling more lies. No lawyer is going to tell him that he can guarantee joint custody. Nor should you ever agree to give it to him. In joint custody you won't have to pay child support but neither will he.
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tookway2much
Platinum
Reged: 03/31/08
Posts: 626
Loc: Going toward the light!
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Are you crazy...........?
Hell yea! you need to fight.
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tookway2much
Platinum
Reged: 03/31/08
Posts: 626
Loc: Going toward the light!
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Get a second opinion///////
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