mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1472
Loc: Richmond, VA
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I was just curious since I hear everyone throw around the first date/rebound after separation/divorce. How long does it have to qualify for it to still be considered a rebound, etc.? I mean, if your first date after separation/divorce ends up turning into a 5 month relationship, is that still a rebound? What if it's only 3 months, or instead 9 months or a year. What qualifies as a rebound vs. managing to find a decent relationship right out of the gate?
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ATVILLAS
Platinum
Reged: 05/12/07
Posts: 2501
Loc: West Palm Beach FL
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My rebound lasted 10 years although I must admit the last 5 we basically lived separate lives.
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jakandme
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 569
Loc: on my way up the hill
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what I thought was a good one straight out of the gate turned into a hellish rebound. Seven years worth. I will take my time this time around and make sure he finds me, as I won't be out looking for the next one. I won't even think about it until the ink has been dried for a while even though I get lonely sometimes for companionship. I just want to be sure from now on that I take care of me and the kids and not someone else.
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What is the future but a mirrored image of the past? Only we can make it better or worse!
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gigi
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Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5191
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IMHO, it's a rebound until you take a step back and work through the issues that made you rebound in the first place. If the new relationship survives the self-exploration that needs to take place after the previous relationship ends, then it stops being a rebound.
But how long it will take for you to resolve those other issues, the previous relationship, etc... it's up to you. It's better for a rebound to die because it was clearly a rebound and your self-exploration has determined that she is not right for you, than for it to die because the new relationship met it's natural end... because if you've still not learned anything from the demise of the first relationship, that ghost will still follow you and you may be rebounding on into the next, and next, and next relationship until you DO handle your old issues and put away those old ghosts.
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1472
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Hmmmmmmmm.....I would have thought rebounds would last nowhere near that long. To me, those sound more like serious relationships than rebounds. I guess part of the reason I ask is that the girl I had dated the other night had told me she had been in one serious relationship with someone she met from the meetup group we belong to and that had lasted 5 months. To me, 5 months isn't really a serious relationship. Might have been when I was in college but not now.
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Motor-Head
Platinum
Reged: 02/07/08
Posts: 714
Loc: 10,000 RPM
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Just put the bone to her if thats what she wants.
That way you can count it as the begning of your rebound.
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happy2bme
Platinum
Reged: 03/28/08
Posts: 219
Loc: Phoenix, AZ
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Quote:
Just put the bone to her if thats what she wants.
That way you can count it as the begning of your rebound.
hahahaha!
I laugh, but truly-- a friend told me early on in my separation that I needed to just have sex with someone, any man but my husband & get it over with... I thought she was crazy and wrong but it turned out to be true-- as soon as I did I felt much better about so much.
So yeah, I guess that was the start of the rebound.
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No man is happy who does not think himself so. ~Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1472
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Alright ladies. You heard it from h2b. Any takers want to help me get on the path to recovery?
hehehehehehe
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5191
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My most devastating breakup was not my marriage, not even my longest realtionship. And the self-esteem recovery took longer. I rebounded HORRIBLY from that one and it was as though I thought I wasn't worth anything more than this guy who had didn't treat me well. I had to get really angry at rebound man for how HE treated me before I could address the ego-trashing thing that the short-term but devastating relationship had done to me, and get angry about that one as well. I had to work through the grief from relationship number one before I could move on.
And it had nothing to do with how long the relationship lasted. As AT said, there can be some very long term relationships where it's almost as if your'e not really committed, just going through the motions. And the short but intense relationships can be MUCH more serious.
It's more about your emotional state than it is about the length of time. Longer relationships can become more of a habit than a relationship. And I don't think you really rebound from a HABIT.
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1472
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Wonder if I'm just devastated from the habit of the marriage? Many times I felt the same way about the relationship as my X. I guess I just felt in the end that if we had worked on it together that it could have been what we both wanted. Maybe not. I do know I had at least one other really devastating relationship in my past and it wasn't even that long (6 months or so).
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