Divorce Support Forums: Long cathartic email-don't read if not interested

It will be hard to put the last 8 years in a nutshell to ask my question but here is my attempt.

*husband has been verbally abusive in front of children, my family, his family, friends and many strangers that I am sure would testify if I knew where to find them.
*husband had 2 affairs-I have spoken with both women and have general contact information for them. I have some phone record proof and some scattered email printout proof.
*husband is a (reformed as he says now for 30 days THIS time) cocaine addict and has been treated for such abuse as recently as this year.
*husband is a diagnosed manic-depressive for which he was hospitalized about 1 1/2 years ago and is treated for with medication (no comment on how ineffective the medication seems to be).
*husband has made 2 suicide attempts within the last 2 years and has been committed on 2 72 hour involuntary holds and continued in voluntary treatment for 4 weeks after the 2nd.
*husband lived in house until 11/04 until I confirmed 2nd affair then left when asked but after suicide attempts and treatment returned to home for 3 months until 5/05 when I discovered he was doing cocaine again and kicked him out with a little help from a neighbor and the police.
*He has not lived in house since that time. I have made the payments for around 3 years out of my accounts and saved it from bankrupcy when we had to lose everything else due to the financial strain of cocaine addiction (overdrawn accounts, loss of utilities, you name it). It's our only monetary assett.
*in 12/04 I did obtain a restraining order after he threatened to come after me upon being released from the 1st 72 hour hold but I allowed him to violate it after he had been in treatment for some weeks.
*if he sounds like a deadbeat Dad that you couldn't imagine would want custody then you would normally be right except his diseased mind would be forced to think of himself as less than perfect if he lost in any way, shape, or form and that obsession with control and perfection drives him incessantly.
*his complaints about me are that I am a :#$)%(^##^&$#^$#^ who &$*^^$$#^&*$#^&$##$ and ****#^##@ to use his usual words when he lets me know this but they center around the fact that after taking care of a 5 year old and working a 50 hour work week, I am not a good housekeeper (I'm not) and that I am fat (I am, I suppose, although I refer to it as overweight and love myself anyway-I'm probably 20 or so # from normal) and that I am a slob who does not take a bath some nights and definitely does not shave my legs everyday (reference the 50 hour work week and the fact that I take care of my son and get him where he needs to be to get to work at 6:45 a.m.)
*However, being apart for some time, our relationship stablized somewhat and we agreed to an every other weekend kind of thing for our son and he has been relatively faithful with paying child support during the separation until 5/06 then no money until 8/06 (eventually told me he had been doing coke again-bye bye $$$) Actual proof of his income is difficult for me as he is self-employed and work in the property insurance business fluctuates with the weather but the amount he was giving me seemed fair enough, matched check stubs (with no year to date) that I did manage to see and it has been enough to pay the bills.

Your question by now is why have I not filed for divorce and I don't have a really good answer except to say that I did not want to get a divorce-it seemed wrong in the eyes of God but I know that I have done all that I can. And neither I nor my family have a lot of money-I do work and make a good salary but after the house, car, utilities and child care-well that's it. There is no rainy day savings, retirement accounts, or even 1 month's emergency fund. I kept asking him to file and he finally had some papers drawn up which were relatively standard as far as custody and visitation and he wanted half the house. I took them to an attorney and he advised that they were pretty standard but that I would have to make up my mind whether or not I wanted to try for more. That there were a great deal of arguable points but when it comes right down to it-it all depends on the judge during your day in court. I suggested some changes to my husband that I would like to see in agreement but for many months we stayed in disagreement about house. Finally just a few days ago, we sat down together and came to an agreement that we would lower the amount he was paying each month until I could refinance home in my own name (re: the bankrupcy still hanging out there), that I could have one child support evaluation at any time then every 2 years thereafter. He would give me only 1 of the 3 overdue checks but the house would be mine free and clear. And he agreed to put in drug testing language that would allow me to ask him to be tested before exercising visitation if I so desired. Despite years of abuse, harassment, threats etc...it seemed it would finally be over. Fast forward 4 days later when I am picking my son up from his house and on his desk is a check for $500 from a company that just 4 days ago in our meeting he told me he had not done any work for nor earned any money from since 2005. My son runs ahead to get in the car and I quietly ask him why he has received money from a company he told me he no longer works for and he explodes and implodes. Screams at me in front of son, calls me all of his usual tirade of obscenities, threatens to kick in the side of my door on my car if I don't move fast enough (I was trying to buckle son's seatbelt) and tears the $500 check to pieces and throws it into the air stating that will insure I never see a dime of it. I could hear him yelling down the street all the way to the first stop sign.

Finally my questions for any of you who are experienced in any of this...
*He threatens to wage all out war if this can't be settled out of court-I know this is a power trip and a control issue and fear because he has systematically destroyed this marriage with his drug, alcohol, mental health and infidelity issues. But his threats do feed my insecurities over my inability to protect my son from the emotional turmoil of his 5 short years of life, my own demons from emotional instability and my dirty house, extra weight, and unshaven legs, no makeup and hair in a pony tail more days than not. And the very real fact that his parents are very wealthy and bail him out of any jam he gets into and could/would pay for him to have whatever lawyer he chooses.
*I have no idea on earth, how I would pay to take this to court other than to sell the house but should I take this to court? With all that I have said, should I still be afraid of going to court? Could I lose? How much would it cost even if I won? How much could it cost if I lost?
*or should I bide my time, let him calm down, hopefully receive the rewritten papers in which I receive the house, the child support he offered, the ability to withhold visitation or only supervised visitation pending drug testing as requested, etc... and be done with this awful marriage once and for all?
*my friends and family are very supportive of me and have honored every (even bad decision) that I have made with full love and support but I am looking for some real live, I have been there, this is what court and judges are like kind of feedback.
Can anyone help me?