Susan K
New
Reged: 08/31/07
Posts: 3
|
|
My husband and I have been married 6 years (7 on 9/29) and we have three beautiful sons (5,5,4). For the past few years I have lied to him about the state of our finances. I know I was wrong- but I couldn't stop. I know I really screwed up and have, in fact, lost my relationship and best friend as a result.
The thing is- he hates me and is constantly threatening to take the children away from me b/c I am mentally incapacitated. I have been put on prozac these past two weeks b/c I am having a hard time dealing with what I've done. Today he told me he hopes I get into a car accident b/c my insurance $ would be nice and it would save him the divorce battles. The thing is neither of us will leave the house b/c a) i won't abandon my children and b) he tells me that since he pays the rent he's not leaving.
I really can't afford a divorce lawyer right now, and to tell you the truth, I know that it is all my fault and would just like to try to fix us. We were so happy and I love him. Is there anything I might be able to do to make this work again? Or should I just give up on my marriage and then, what do I do about the kids? They need me- I am the one who has always been there for them (although he is a wonderful father too).
|
steve_197430
Bronze
Reged: 07/23/07
Posts: 37
Loc: Maryland
|
|
Alot of people will tll you to go to counseling, etc. Most of the time,men won't go and even if you do reconcile, he will keep these thoughts in his mind forever. Believe me! Perhaps it is time to consider moving on. I dont know him personally but if he is like the average male, your best bet may be to leave. Perhaps some time apart will help you both to realize how silly this is and you can put it all behind you. Stay with some family for a few days. Good Luck!
--------------------
I tried to put my signature here but my pen wouldn't work and now I have ink all over my display.
|
Susan K
New
Reged: 08/31/07
Posts: 3
|
|
Thanks Steve, but I can't leave. My entire family is in NY- we live in NC (about 10 hrs by car)- I can't leave the boys and I can't take the out of school and go to NY with them (husband would have me arrested I'm sure). He wants me to leave the kids so that he can say I've abandonded them.
I don't know anyone around here yet- we only moved from NY 3 months ago.
|
Ang22007
Platinum
Reged: 06/05/07
Posts: 307
Loc: NM
|
|
Can you get a 2nd job and try to get yourself out of the financial trouble? Maybe if your husband sees that you know it is your fault and you are trying to fix it, he will take you more seriously.
|
Susan K
New
Reged: 08/31/07
Posts: 3
|
|
My second job is taking care of my three boys. I get out of work at 4pm & p/u from the bus stop at 4:30pm. My husband works till 7pm (sometimes later). It really isn't an option.
Its not like I went shopping or something- the problem is I wans't working in NY and we couldn't afford 2 car payments, 2800 mortgage and all the other bills- so instead of telling him (I was afraid to make him angry) I just didn't pay them or I paid them late/ every other month. I never told him. The big thing isn't the money (in NC with me working we can afford our bills)- its the fact that his credit is shot.
|
beenlovestats
New
Reged: 08/09/07
Posts: 8
|
|
I'm sorry, I don't have any advice for you, but just wanted to say I sympathasize with your situation. I too have lied about finances in my marriage, because I am married to an alcoholic who will spend money on drinking before anything else. I hate turning to my family for money because they will immediately criticise him for drinking and I don't like to hear it.
Of course, in my husband's eyes, this makes me a horrible person.
|
sadgirlinaz
New
Reged: 11/14/07
Posts: 5
Loc: Arizona
|
|
Am I missing something ---- why is he mad at you for the financial trouble? He is the other person in your marriage - he should know what is going on financially. After all, he knew you had 2 car payments, had a mortgage to pay, groceries to buy, etc. Sounds like he needs to get involved in that aspect. No wonder his credit is shot.
|
lilsam
New
Reged: 11/13/07
Posts: 11
|
|
Yes, it's difficult managing money on your own like that. People often make mistakes with money and it's something you both have to work through together. It will take time for it to be sorted out and a divorce will create more money problems. All you can do is admit that you were wrong and try to fix it. If he can't accept that, take it day by day and give yourself time to think through a logical way that you could move on. It sounds like right now you're feeling too overwhelmed. He can't take your kids from you.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
