Ang22007
Platinum
Reged: 06/05/07
Posts: 307
Loc: NM
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Guys and gals,
I don't have a whole lot of advice for many of you. I had gotten to the point that my husband pretty much disgusted me, he had gained some weight, never tried to have sex with me and he does/says some stupid stuff!!!
I had plastic surgery to try to make him find me sexy, Didn't help, it was in him. So I just ignored him, I stayed in my cave and he stayed in his till an ex gf looked him up and they hooked up. I was devasted, the man that I gave up on, didn't want me?
He eventually came to change his mind, he asked me to try again and I really did sit there and think about it. The stupid little things really get to me, the sex is a major issue, he is a bully. I could be released from all of that bs!!! BUT I turned around and hugged him, I haven't looked back since. He is a ding dong, but he is MY ding dong!
We still struggle, but I love him. A couple of random divorce issues have come up thru outside sources and my boys have both voiced that they are so glad that we are happily married (we never told them). Sometimes we start feeling really rocky, I just hug him hard. We are both trying, I know that a lot of you don't have that chance. Just try not to give into the I just can't do it anymore/I don't love him like that/I want something easier....whatever. I can't believe I wasted so many years not loving the man that I married because of my disinterest. I can't believe that he is still here.
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WittyUserName
Silver
Reged: 04/10/07
Posts: 61
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Welcome to the "seriously considered divorce but came to realize the cure is worse than the disease" club. Sometimes in anger it's easy to forget why you appreciate your spouse in spite of all their faults, but it's necessary to avoid making a colossal mistake that affects a lot more people than you realize.
Don't sell yourself short -- you do indeed have advice -- and it's pretty good, IMHO.
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Ang22007
Platinum
Reged: 06/05/07
Posts: 307
Loc: NM
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I wasn't selling myself short, I think all of us "trying people" could post more in here about daily struggles. A lot of the people seem to come here at the end of their rope, not really with any options. I was just trying to make some of them think there are options in a devious woman sort of way!!! Big smiles to all.
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undecided 72
Gold
Reged: 09/24/07
Posts: 186
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I agree whole heartedly. I think most people come here because they are at the end of their rope. I was seriously contemplating divorce. In reality if we stick to the "status quo" I will eventually get a divorce, but I am here because I want to prevent that, and your positive messages are extremely welcome. I would like to relate more to the we're working on understanding each other camp rather then the last gasp camp. Unfortunately I still wonder sometimes if I'm being a sucker that is still working on something while my wife has checked out and just doesn't want the financial burden of a divorce or is too scared of being alone. I mean if it wasn't for the fact that she got involved with the office predator who was looking for a "no strings attached" fling, we might not be together now. I want to show my wife some of the things I have written here, but some have been of the venting nature (see previous sentance) and I'm worried I'll freak her out a little.
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Ang22007
Platinum
Reged: 06/05/07
Posts: 307
Loc: NM
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I let my husband read my posts, even if he does get freaked out about something that I say, it gives us the opportunity to work thru those issues or feelings. Communication is sometimes one of our best features and sometimes the worst. It a hard line to "juggle" and keep up with. Keep trying undecided, you would probably feel like more of a sucker if you just gave up without the fight.
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lilsam
New
Reged: 11/13/07
Posts: 11
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It is a good idea to talk about daily struggles. My life has become one big daily struggle and I'm confused. My husband has started trying more, after I told him last week that I've had it and I had already figured out how to divide up all our stuff and which attorney I was going to schedule an appt. with. It's still rough and I don't know what's "normal" ups and downs and when it's just over. I am very unhappy - half of me wants to leave and half of me thinks I should keep trying.
It helps to hear about the experiences and insights of others. We started going to a marriage counselor and she said that this hellish experience is a normal thing that couples go through in marriages.....
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Ang22007
Platinum
Reged: 06/05/07
Posts: 307
Loc: NM
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Talk about hellish struggles, we just got thru a HUGE family reunion. My poor H didn't know any of them and I hadn't seen most of them in 17 years, he was a trooper, with a smile on his face and willing to help anytime. He got lots of extra hugs. We did gets in some battles about directions, but after the way he was so nice to my family (and still is, my parents are here) I owe him one, think I have something in mind!!! Big winks to all that are trying
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