tired23
New
Reged: 04/30/07
Posts: 5
Loc: texas
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hi! I'm new. I've come into this website many times but have always logged out in the middle of my posting. I am having lots of problems at home. My husband last year was found guilty for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon charge. He had a perfect record until that charge. Long story short we were going out of town another car was trying to run him off the road and he got mad and pulled out the gun and I struggled with him to put it away. The man called the cops and 20 minutes later they stopped us. When the cops stopped us I freaked out I didn't know what to say so I started out by saying I was asleep, but I did tell them about the man trying to run us off the road. Well when my husband read the report he was furious w/ me and called me every name in the book. When he went to court I got on the stand and lied about him pulling out the gun. Well his lawyer sucked and he came out guilty. It has been hell since. He hasn't been working since before the court (about 2 years) and I have been the breadwinner since. We have been married 12 years and have 3 kids, 8, 6,2. He stays at home and takes care of the 2 yr. old pretty much just feeds him and watches t.v. and plays on the computer the rest of the day. When I ask for help around the house he gets an attitude and throws the court thing in my face. Aside from that I also have an issue with him talking to people on his cell phone, I know he talks to some girls become i got into his cell records but when i ask him he denies it - he doesn't know i get into his phone. he doesn't drink, he doesn't do drugs, he doesn't go out at night but i really dont know what he does during day. somedays he treats like shit, now he tells me he used to put me first but that has all changed. He doesn't do anything at home and he isn't trying to find a job and when i tell him to do something he get the attitude. We've been going to counseling for 8 months but nothing has changed. I've gotten on my knees and asked for forgiveness but that doesn't mean anything. He tells me he;s fucken sick of me, and throws every low blow he can think of, I don't fight that way, I guess its because i still love him and I feel guilty.
how do i fix it? or find the balls to leave?
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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This may seem like a tangential question but, why does he carry a gun in the car? Does he have a permit for that?
I don't see that you're the one who should be asking for forgiveness. He's the one who fukced up. You tried to protect him.
Edited by KGrow (04/02/08 08:28 PM)
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tired23
New
Reged: 04/30/07
Posts: 5
Loc: texas
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yes, he had a permit to carry a concealed weapon. He was just at the wrong place at the wrong time and messed with the wrong person who happened to have a lot of connections. He says when he needed me the most i wasn't there. I should have lied to the police as said he didn't do anything wrong, but i just freaked out, everything happend so fast. I've told him over and over again i would have done it differently, but i thought the cops would have seen right thru me.
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Tijuania
New
Reged: 04/03/08
Posts: 1
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As I read your situation, I felt something very strong. First, give yourself to GOD. He will guide you through this path. If you are not spirtually connected, I pray that you get on your knees and talk to our father. Second, as a woman you MUST learn to love yourself first! It does not matter what your husband does, what your kids do, what your friends say. If you do not have self-esteem and know that your are a jewel, people will step on you and kick you to the curb. Please take the time and understand yourself and the reasons why you are allowing your husband to treat you unkindly and with lack of respect. You have the power to change your situation. Yes, you love your husband and that is okay, but you must love yourself too. How can you expect him to respect you and honor you when you don't respect and honor yourself. Now, what he is doing as a husband is not correct. When the two of you went in front GOD and said your vows, you became one. However, the two of you are not equally yoked. Please seek spirtual guidance. I can relate to your pain because I, too, was in a marriage with a husband who only used me. Why? I did not honor myself enough. Now, I understand all of the things that men do to us as women is because we allow them to to these things. It could be because of your childhood, etc., but whatever the reason YOU have control of what a person brings into your space. From one a mother and woman to another, PLEASE take the time to look within yourself and start loving and horning you. Once you become free of whatever it is that's keeping you in this marriage, you will soar like a bird being set free out of a cage. Also, you have children and don't think for once that they don't know what is going on. Children can feel the spirits of their parents and a negative environment affects their spirits as well and how they perceive relationships in the future. Certainly, if your husband does not respect you as their mother, how can he expect respect from his children. Take care of youself so you can be a good mother to your children. Your husband must answer for his lack of being a good husband and father....leave in him in GOD's hands. Once you are healthy within and strong, you will notice that nothing he says and do will affect you, then you will have the "Balls" to move on.
Blessings.
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