Tainted?
Bronze
Reged: 04/17/08
Posts: 28
Loc: Idaho
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I have noticed that my husband has been listening to songs that are not usual to his preferences. Weve got a lot of issues and I was just wondering if anyone else had ever encountered this. He is usually likes country and a little rock. But he playes alicia keys no one all the time and now he found a new song ccaling you by blue october. Both of these artists are not his taste rather on the opposite of his preference (more mine and he used to make fun of me for listening to some of those types of artists) the songs are about relationships and really professing strong love. Since there had been an incident of infidelity in the past it makes me wonder. I stopped snooping on his computer but i know he has an email account i dont have access too. I listen to music according to my moods and it just seems wierd to me that he would be listening to those types of songs when i am relatively sure that he doesnt feel that way about me anymore. anyone else ?
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Ang22007
Platinum
Reged: 06/05/07
Posts: 307
Loc: NM
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This too happened in my marriage, I was totally clueless as to this sign, but in hindsight it was very obvious. Keep your eyes open. I hope this is just a trying something new....not another woman.
I wish you the best.
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Tainted?
Bronze
Reged: 04/17/08
Posts: 28
Loc: Idaho
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Ok thank you for your response. I got to thinking about it and it just seemed odd. In a way it would explain some things but then others are such a complete mystery at this point. I know that without a doubt my husband is so completly lost in this world. He has a lot of medical issues and mental issues that co mingle and create problems. He is however pretty good at mental warfare (his words) and he seems to enjoy doing it to some degree. I often wonder if he is trying to just keep me off balance enough to think that he wont just up and leave. There is this litte feeling in my stomach that is usually right that he is up to something. I just dont know what yet. I really try not to care because for me since he wont get help the relationship is for all intensive porposes over. I just want to find out if he has cancer or something else and then figure out what i am gonna do then (my therapist thinks this is the best course) If he's not terminal and is curable with whatever he has. Then I will just have to file but if he is in fact dying (as i suspect) then i would be able to stick around and do what i could to make things ok so to speak, mostly for my kids sake. It like if i know that there is an end to it all like 6 mo. i can life with that, but if not and he wont get help than im not sticking around in the marriage. I want to move on with my life and be happy (eventually).
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Ang22007
Platinum
Reged: 06/05/07
Posts: 307
Loc: NM
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I can't wrap my mind around his dying or you filing. Is there life insurance involved? File if that is what you need to do. You can take care of him divorced as easily as making yourself the "martyr". Your kids will be proud of you taking the best road, and if that means being there for your ex, their daddy, so be it. The kids will get the money either way.
I feel harsh, but don't understand the dead or divorce. Everyday is precious, who knows how long each of us has?
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Tainted?
Bronze
Reged: 04/17/08
Posts: 28
Loc: Idaho
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The insurance is a non issue. There is a really good chance that he has pancriatic cancer. He has some appointments comming up and then we should know something. If it is cancer i cant see myself leaving him. As far as my kids go, no i dont think they would understand having to loose their father twice in the same year. I think it would be cruel to have him find out he was dying and then get served with papers. Its not about being a martyr, for me its about being human. If he had 6 months some of that time he wouldnt be able to work and such i cant see that he would be able to take care of himself, find a new place to live etc,. I think it would be selfish of me to not at least let him have his dignity and family around. He knows that I do love him but that there is something very lost or gone so to speak. There is no trust among other things. I do care about him and I think that even if he doesnt have cancer and we split up that I would be there for him if something catostrophic was to happen in his life. Even when I was so mad at him i could have just spit, he accidentiallly hurt himself and i dropped everything and took him to the hospital. I dont reallyu know how to explain it all. I dont think that just because you get a divorce because you cant resolve the issues that come in day to day life with another person that you stop caring and completly cut off all ties. I understand that there are circumstances where you have to and want to. I understand that you do have to create boundaries and move on. I think that these things are part of why divorce is so painful and difficult to get through. Even if your partnership isnt complete, often your stbx has been in your life for a number of years and like it or not they are a part of you especially if you have kids. They are not going away (usually), they are always going to be a part of your life just the role is redefined. I am rambling now but i hope you understand where i am at with this process and how i feel about it at the moment.
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Ang22007
Platinum
Reged: 06/05/07
Posts: 307
Loc: NM
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OK I get it know, I understand that. Sorry I don't have much time, but I think you are on the right road.
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