Well this is the first site that I came across support for troubled relationships and marriages.Myself and my wife were married so far for 5 years, no kids. We have a good understanding of each other and life in general. My wife's is smart and intelligent lady but for some reason her career has not successful as it should have been. In order to get a career going she had to move to different place and that's where our problems initiated.We had rough arguments and our relationship has taken a toll.Basically she is in a situation where she does feel that career growth and relationship cannot co exist,the reason behind that she feels relationship with me is taking a toll.
I have asked to work with me ,even counseling and she doesn't feel enthusiastic about it.I feel really sad and emotional since I have know her and understand her very well.I wasn't supportive of her while she was away and that slowly eroded our relationship.I feel like she wants out of the relationship and trying to figure out how to break it.She even made up a story that she had an affair and later she told me that wasn't true , just to see what would be the reaction. These things indicate that she wants out. I am desperately trying to save our marriage and she is still perturbed by her career,which is understandable.Recently I asked to spend memorial day holiday weekend with me and she was so mad and told that being around me suffocates her and she can't think. I was hoping if we have some time by ourselves, we can help our relationship and I feel bad that she doesn't feel the same. She indicates to me that she is in a shell regarding her career and can't think outside of it now. She always says that I should get someone else and be happy , since she can't provide me that.I am not sure why does she needs to feel that career and relationship cannot coexist, I am sure my action dictated that in past , but I am willing to work with her, but I feel like she thinks its too late.
I just don't know what to do and I have never been in the situation where I am now .Please help and any advise will be welcomed.
First off, it is good that you have no kids. Don't be tempted to have kids as a means to try and bring you together.
For the near term she does not want to live with you. Have you asked her about the future? Does she want to file for divorce? Does she expect to come back to you once she has her career on track.
Is she confused about what she wants? If so, you might suggest she get some individual counseling to try and sort stuff out in her own mind. That would be the first step. If she ends up deciding she wants to make another go at it, marriage counseling might be the next step.
Wow! Your wife sounds really depressed over her career. It seems her self-worth is tied to her success. Since her career is floundering she may not feel good enough about her self. If you feel defeated then you feel you have nothing to offer another person. She probably made up the stuff about the affair b/c her truth is that if her career is a failure then so is she and that's pretty hard to own up to. At the very least, I think she needs counseling by herself and/or maybe even a life coach to help her set reasonable and achievable career goals. Once her life starts to pick up in this area then I'm sure she will relax enough to recognize that her feelings towards you really have nothing to do with the marriage.
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