Erica L Ware
New
Reged: 08/19/08
Posts: 4
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I have been married for 15 years. We met in the military when he was married to his first wife. He ended up divorcing her to marry me. We had a child 1 year after marriage(he did not have children with the other woman). We have been through violence on my part, 2 affairs on his part,1 on mine, and years of counselling. In the last 5 years we tried to get it together, but he started staying up for days, losing weight and unable to keep jobs. In the last 2 years he has been fired from at least 7 jobs all 6 figures. I think he may be addicted to [censored] cocaine. Friends and family have suspected this and brought it to me. Aside from unexplained spending, and the hours in the bathroom which he attributes to hemmorroids, I have never caught him. I have confronted him, but he has never admitted to it. In July after being unemployed for 6 months, he announced that he was moving to NJ to work a 6 month contract with an ex-coworker. I was heartbroken. We tried to make things work long distance, but the phone calls were short and we usually argued. I got very insecure and started to monitor the cell phone bill that is in my name. I saw a telephone number that had been called at midnight for 2 hours. The same number came up again 5 more times for at least 30 minutes a day. I called the number and asked the woman to call me back to explain the nature of her relationship. She told me he told her he was getting a divorce. I was heartbroken. I confronted him with by texting him a picture of her from her myspace page asking him who she was. That was last Tuesday. That is the last time we talked. He emailed me on Friday that he has never even met the girl and that he wants to end our marriage because he feels there is no room for him when distrust occupies so much. He told me he was sorry for misleading me about having female friends, but does not want to talk to me and that we would just be able to communicate via email. What did I do wrong?
Then I find out that he lost his job on Wednesday. I thought to myself, he has got to be on drugs. He just lost another 6 figure job after only being there for less than 2 months.
I cut off his phone on Sunday because I am paying for it. He called me from a Sprint store yesterday asking me to give the clerk my passcode so that services could be restored. I told him that if he needs to contact me to not call me anymore and do it via email. It felt good to stand up to him. Which I have never done before. And I filed for child support and separation yesterday. I really don't want to do this, I still love him. But I cannot take suspecting he is on drugs or his lies anymore. I emailed him and told him I still love him but that the only way he could come back here was if he admitted himself into inpatient treatment. I got no response. Could this separation help him see the light?
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germangirl631
Platinum
 
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1587
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Erica,
I'm so sorry you find yourself in this terrible,, confusing place. Your husband's behavior does sound like a drug problem. And, his lying is trying to cover it up. I don't know what to tell you to do. But, if it were me, I don't think I could handle the deception any more. How sad.
You have a 14 year of child. Do you think this is affecting them? Do you have a way to support yourself without your husband's income? Whether or not a separation will help him see the light (your hopeful outcome) vs let him run off and do as he pleases is anyone's guess. If you want the separation, you'll need to stop contact with him - otherwise, you're not really totally separating yourself from him. He needs to be on his own. Completely.
These kind of stories really bring a tear to my eye. I pray it will all work out for you. Keep us posted.
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Sarah1014
Platinum
 
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2363
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I think the separation will help YOU see the light.
Step away from the madness. I doubt he'll ever change as evidenced by his cheating and drug use. Please move on.
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Erica L Ware
New
Reged: 08/19/08
Posts: 4
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I am financially good. I have my bachelor's degree in Accounting and my MBA. I quit my job due to stress. But I am on unemployment and going back to school to get an IT degree. So I am getting financial aid. I just can't work right now with this going on. But my son and I are blessed because the bills are paid. I am on Zoloft and seeing a psychiatrist. And I emailed him to just leave me alone. So far so good. I haven't contacted him. He emailed me his new number today. I just want to be strong enough not to fall into the same pattern I have fallen into in the past.
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Erica L Ware
New
Reged: 08/19/08
Posts: 4
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I just received this email from the other woman:
Again my heart goes out to you and your son. What Anthony says is true, i've never met him in person. We met online actually. We exchanged numbers and spoke on the phone at length several times. He's asked me many times to meet him for lunch and dinner but something always came up on my end due to my crazy schedule. My reluctancy may have also stemmed from some past nighmare experiences i've had from meeting guys online and of course the fact that he said that he was goin through a divorce. At any rate I feel that i was spared since i had not gotten the chance to develop any serious feelings for him. If i had, i wouldnt be takin this as well as i am. I would say i probably know Anthony just as well as I know you, not very well but you seem to be a honest and straight forward woman and i can absolutely respect that. Anthony has contacted me since and still denies that you guys were together. I told him that I don't do drama and said that i hope it all works out for him, i sincerely do wish him well because he has a son who needs him to pull it together. Just like i told him, i feel strongly about marriage and hate to see when people get divorced. I pray that i never have to experience that. 15 years is a long time and it will be a challenge for the both of you, either way i have removed myself from the picture. I wish you and your family all the best.
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Erica L Ware
New
Reged: 08/19/08
Posts: 4
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I filed for child support yesterday and filed for legal separation. As soon as I can afford it, I will file for divorce. My day without thinking about him was good before this email. I know that the mistress all along was [censored] and that he is no longer the man that I have married and fell in love with. It is just sad. And I know I will have to go through the ups and downs of the death of someone that I once loved. I now know that I will have to take it one day at a time. I realized that when you are the enabler, that there is as much of a withdrawl process that the addict goes through that you as the enabler will have to go through too on the rode to recovery.
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PinkRose
Platinum
 
Reged: 07/09/07
Posts: 1927
Loc: heading towards the light
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Sorry Erica that you are going through this.
-------------------- I'm a living sunset... there's light in my bones. You can push me to the edge, but my will is stone!
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