Missedout
Bronze
Reged: 08/08/08
Posts: 47
Loc: Ohio
|
|
My marriage took a big turn for the worst. My wife and I have been having issues. End of July was our 9th anniversary she took me on a trip to Georgia. I thought everything was going well. After we had a great time on the trip she said she was going to find a place to stay she wanted time away. I told her she could stay at the house and I would find some place (thinking i was doing the right thing). She said I left like I got what I wanted. Well we find out she is very sick, we have known something was up for three months. She said she didn't want me back home she needed me. I then find out there is someone else, not intimate yet. She tells me she loves him and not me, I came back to help anyway. She said this doesn't change anything after all this is over she wants me back out of the house. Tonight she said she wasn't sure if she loved me. My wife goes no place but work and home so I'm assuming this is a work guy. Am I doing the right thing and will this show her I'm in love with her still. I start seeing a councilor in two weeks to work on my communication skills. Is she testing me? Is she truly done with me? If this guy is so great why am I here and he isn't? Why did she chose me to be here? We have vacation coming up in September and she keeps talking like we are going together. I'm confused!!!
--------------------
Hold on to who you love because one day they may not be there.
|
KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3098
Loc: Colorado
|
|
I'm having trouble following. The thing that stuck out for me was the fact that she's sick. Can you elaborate on that?
|
Missedout
Bronze
Reged: 08/08/08
Posts: 47
Loc: Ohio
|
|
She has a 12" cyst on her ovary that is getting removed Monday and they say she will be laid up for weeks. She said today that it feels like we are just room mates and she needs much more than that. She said she is happy I'm being her friend.
--------------------
Hold on to who you love because one day they may not be there.
|
missmisery
New
Reged: 08/09/08
Posts: 2
|
|
Honey I wish I could help you out in my case I am the one who is sick and has been dumped for another woman. I wish my husband would be as considerate as you sound.
|
KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3098
Loc: Colorado
|
|
A medical issue can trigger a midlife crisis. Use your listening skills. Don't try to fix anything yet. You might be able to ride this one out. One day at a time. Good luck next week.
|
Missedout
Bronze
Reged: 08/08/08
Posts: 47
Loc: Ohio
|
|
I found out today the guy she says she loves was in the same point of his life. So I'm thinking he is having marriage problems too. So I guess I'm looking at two people that needed support and got it, is it love? I don't know, does it feel like love because he is giving her the attention she was looking for. I want so bad just to air all of this out and try to fix it. It is killing me being this close to a girl I love deeply and feeling in a few weeks when she is better she will tell me to hit the bricks. It's hard, very hard. I do know I'm not looking forward to a life without her, she is my everything.
--------------------
Hold on to who you love because one day they may not be there.
|
Missedout
Bronze
Reged: 08/08/08
Posts: 47
Loc: Ohio
|
|
The surgery went great, the doc said it was the size of a large newborn. She should be home tomorrow. The thing that gets me is twice before the operation and twice before I went home she kissed me and said I Love You. Was it the drugs? Was it because I was there? Does she in fact still love me? Then I talked to her on the phone a couple of times and said I love you and she replied I love you too. Does it sound like someone that wants a divorce? She has me really confused now. Anyway I like hearing it from her. Maybe.... just maybe... she was trying to protect me from this whole thing (her illness). Far fetched I know, a guy can dream.
--------------------
Hold on to who you love because one day they may not be there.
|
undecided 72
Gold
Reged: 09/24/07
Posts: 151
|
|
You need to stay in reality here. She at a minimum had an emotional affair, but she is confused. I wish I knew the right answer, you can't really stalk her and keep her away from the guy, but you can let her know that you want to work on the marriage, she is important to you and if you both focus on EACH OTHER, then there is a chance to save the marriage. KGRow may be right in that it was her sickness that triggered the mid-life crisis, and the fact that you were there holding her hand despite what you must have been feeling speaks volumes. So without invading her space let her know that this is a time for healing both physically and emotionally and most of all I'm glad the surgery went so well.
Good luck,
--------------------
Decided to keep working
|
Missedout
Bronze
Reged: 08/08/08
Posts: 47
Loc: Ohio
|
|
I'm in reality and it bites. I'm searching for anything right now that will help. To think about not having her when I wake in the morning, when I go home at night and when I go to bet makes my stomach turn. I never thought that one woman could make me feel this way. Every love song I hear reminds me of her, every minute I can get away I talk to you about her. She is defiantly the biggest part of me and my life, and to think about her not being here kills me a little every time I think of it. I just don't think words can fix this or tell her how I feel about us and how bad I feel for the way I made her feel. I love her with every inch of my body.
--------------------
Hold on to who you love because one day they may not be there.
|
Missedout
Bronze
Reged: 08/08/08
Posts: 47
Loc: Ohio
|
|
Well the plan is for her to come home today. I'm both excited and scared. Excited to have her back with me, scared to find out what's next. She said she wants to take a little time and write things down for me so she can make sure she says it all. She said it's going to hurt me to read it, she did say I already knew everything so it wasn't going to be a shock to me. I'm OK with some of that, I know it will hurt to listen how bad things are but the worst part is if there is more info on "HIM". I don't think I want to hear that part. Well I better not dwell on that and ruin the good mood I've been in today. One possible good thing and it may just be out of kindness... she is not on meds now but we have been very civil, I have been super attentive, and when I say I love you she replies I love you too. I hope it's not just to be nice and she means it.
--------------------
Hold on to who you love because one day they may not be there.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
